poetry http://oddbooks.co.uk/ en Chemistianity http://oddbooks.co.uk/oddbooks/chemistianity <span>Chemistianity</span> <span><span lang="" about="/users/alfred-armstrong" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Alfred Armstrong</span></span> <span>16 Jun 2019 - 18:00</span> <div class="oddbook__field-author d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Author(s)<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">J Carrington Sellars, F C S</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-publisher d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Publisher<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">The Author</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-pubdate d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Edition / Year<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">1873</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-file-under d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> File under<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__items"> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/christianity" hreflang="en">Christianity</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/chemistry" hreflang="en">chemistry</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/poetry" hreflang="en">poetry</a></span> </div> </div> <div class="oddbook__taxonomy-vocabulary-1 d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> In the section labelled<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/category/odd-books/rancid-rhymes" hreflang="en">Rancid Rhymes</a></div> </div> <div class="oddbook__body"><blockquote><p><a href="/sites/default/files/files/chemistianity.jpg" class="colorbox"><img alt="Chemistianity" data-entity-type="file" data-entity-uuid="93802d4b-accf-4ca3-a6b8-5f9870bc3868" height="394" src="/sites/default/files/resize/files/chemistianity-250x394.jpg" width="250" class="align-right" /></a> Dear Friends,</p> <p>I step forward, to hand you my brief work,<br /> With native diffidence and humility;<br /> Late Formality is a smiling sick man<br /> Mete-ing out Vanity to blind true feeling,<br /> I have not the measure, therefore extend<br /> My two hands to you as warm friend to friend.<br /> My aim in Work was verse narrational <br /> On each known Element term’d Chemical;<br /> Such bodies compose in God-govern’d Rule<br /> The Earth, the Sun, and each Matter Nodule<br /> That, life-like, wisely move in Sea of Space<br /> For man’s learning in God’s eternal grace:<br /> As these bodies compound our Spirit’s Frame<br /> We should know them well by sight, rule, and name.<br /> In that we can exert force Chemical<br /> So we only, of all life Animal,<br /> In that are like to the Primal Causer,<br /> The infinite Motioner of Matter.<br /> Wide would I spread, were it my privilege,<br /> Religion, Chemistry, and Trade Knowledge,<br /> Coupling with those first studies - Elocution,<br /> Four essentials for a Life of Progression.<br /> Permit me now to give the author’s sum<br /> Of this my first book p’rhaps ultimatum.<br /> I trust you Jury, though all will not agree,<br /> You’ll pass a verdict that will favour me.</p> <p>The title I chose is CHEMISTIANITY .<br /> Or, Proofs of Chemist’s love FOR all Humanity;<br /> God-love in Christ - CHRISTIANITY<br /> Is TO - in and through - Humanity,<br /> Two unequal friends walking, gifting, o’er the Earth,<br /> One Basic Merit, the other, Incomparable Worth. </p> <p>Chemistry’s the Science of all science,<br /> To disciples firsthand God evidence.</p> </blockquote> <p>Thus, in some of the worst doggerel ever committed to print, J Carrington Sellars attempts to justify the publication of this quaint volume, with which he hoped to bring a wider public to an understanding of Chemistry. As his enthusiasm for Chemistry was reinforced by the belief that it served to demonstrate God's love in the world, he further hoped to promote Christian faith at the same time, hence the portmanteau title of "Chemistianity".</p> <p>Sellars' method for teaching Chemistry is through "oratorical verses" which the reader is expected to recite out loud in order to help commit their subject matter to memory. While this kind of approach may be fruitful if the lines are rhythmic and catchy, I doubt that it does when the student is presented with blank verse of such dreariness as is found here.</p> <blockquote><p>RHODIUM, Platinum’s natural ally,<br /> A metal of almost silver-white hue,<br /> Is hard to fuse yet very mall’able;<br /> Insoluble per se in all Acids,<br /> Though Aqua Regia dissolves its alloys.<br /> Its Sesquioxide solution is rose colour’d.<br /> Rhodium Trioxide is a blue powder.<br /> Rhodium forms double Salts with Chlorine<br /> Plus Potassium; efflorescent prisms.<br /> Rhodium alloys with most metals but not Merc’ry;<br /> Rhodium in powder, heated in Air, oxides.<br /> Rhodium is found with Platinum Ores<br /> In a native alloyed metallic state<br /> In Brazil, Ceylon, and other countries.<br /> Metallic Rhodium is best obtained,<br /> From prepared Sodium Chloro-rhodiate,<br /> By reducing under Hydrogen, and washing.<br /> Rhodium is used, in alloy with Platinum,<br /> By Chemical factors for Stills and Pans ;<br /> Also, by Chemists for furnace vessels.<br /> Steel alloyed With a trace of Rhodium,<br /> For some purposes is valuable.<br /> Pens tipped with Rhodium are durable.</p> </blockquote> <p>This is one of the shorter examples. Compelling stuff, eh?</p> <p>Sellars, like many self-publishers,could not resist overdoing it. As well as a "Procoemium" - a word so obscure that even Google cannot find a meaning for it, but in this case referring to a preface - from which the first verse extract above comes, he also includes a lengthy prologue in which he speculates on various inventions that might be possible with the aid of Chemistry, including the foldable plastic mac, which he anticipates by about 50 years:</p> <blockquote><p>Compose a pocket transparent waterproof,<br /> A light Glosser to pack under dress leaf,<br /> Its expanded figure like bishop or cloak,<br /> Of pliant drapery, not eas’ly charr’d,<br /> To fully protect ladies’ dressful charms<br /> From promiscuous home and tempest harms.<br /> ’Twould aid to prove what our standard women are,<br /> Home-brilliants of choicest Earth purity,<br /> Whose luminosity is inborn worth<br /> Nourished by educated industry;<br /> Their rays, to men, return’d from bus’ness toil.<br /> Are gleams of true High favour’d happiness.<br /> ’Twere sweet, sociably sweet, to see a. 'Dame<br /> Finely attired, bishop’d in glosser frame;<br /> A beauteous bud leaf’d by man’s highest skill,<br /> Charming by love-ert[?sic] hands to free home from ill ;<br /> By her gracious presence first here, then there,<br /> Guiding and assisting in each chief care.<br /> She is at once class beauty beautified,<br /> Man’s love and own Art duly glorified.<br /> There exists not on Earth a sweeter flower,<br /> Than virtued woman in soilless attire.</p> <p>Such a material would suit many uses.</p> </blockquote> <p>He perhaps overestimates both the aesthetic and fire-retardant qualities of the actual realisation of this vision, but he was clearly far better suited to futurology than poetry as his other proposed inventions include the water drill, improved buffers for railway trains, a sort of x-ray machine using "concentrated light", signboards using electric lighting and tidal power generation. Perhaps if he had focussed on the applications of his knowledge and not written so much godawful poetry, the name of Sellars might stand with that of Edison or Bell.</p> <p><a href="/sites/default/files/files/pakamac.jpg" class="colorbox"><img alt="" data-entity-type="file" data-entity-uuid="5c2e5843-07f9-4b1f-9253-ef158f87f8a1" height="378" src="/sites/default/files/resize/files/pakamac-600x378.jpg" width="600" /></a></p> <p> </p></div> <section class="comment-list"> <h2>Comments</h2> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header"> Leave a comment </div> <div class="card-body"> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderForm" arguments="0=node&amp;1=1034&amp;2=comment_node_oddbook&amp;3=comment_node_oddbook" token="tRzxUcKSI5g2-jGdU_rQNaT3HnDmBWBCw-ffGfq6IKU"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <article data-comment-user-id="0" id="comment-60789" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1560727201"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <span lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">FrancoisTremblay (not verified)</span> on 17 Jun 2019 - 01:20</span> <a href="/comment/60789#comment-60789" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/60789#comment-60789" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">I already don&#039;t like poetry</a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body"><p>I already don&#039;t like poetry in normal circumstances, but this is truly rancid. I guess vulgarization of science hadn&#039;t been invented yet!</p> </div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=60789&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="6dXsEvtgaTjmHBD89VZJPoDMtLc30cRiogEP4hdbSi0"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> </footer> </article> <article data-comment-user-id="1" id="comment-60793" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1560758722"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <span lang="" about="/users/alfred-armstrong" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Alfred Armstrong</span> on 17 Jun 2019 - 10:05</span> <a href="/comment/60793#comment-60793" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/60793#comment-60793" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">Francois, how can you not</a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body"><p>Francois, how can you not like poetry, after all the fine examples I have given you on this site? I am astonished.</p> <p>Alfred</p></div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=60793&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="Rs03yzO-dGp66R-lFx79-c4PyOmQdl3Cc0dpBla9y6g"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> </footer> </article> <article data-comment-user-id="0" id="comment-60797" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1561141232"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <span lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Rasmus (not verified)</span> on 21 Jun 2019 - 20:20</span> <a href="/comment/60797#comment-60797" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/60797#comment-60797" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">I love poetry, but I can say,</a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body"><p>I love poetry, but I can say, with utter conviction, that I have never loved rhodium to such an intense, indeed lascivious degree before! Once again, I bow down in stupefied reverence of your ability to show to us mere mortals where genuine apsiration may take us - to scientific brilliance and beyond! Greetings from Denmark.</p> </div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=60797&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="8lCxWwCLLPPU19EFFDKicgkdFxxLPWuS0PYXnHhwsOI"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> </footer> </article> <article data-comment-user-id="0" id="comment-64587" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1569250357"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <span lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Cheryl (not verified)</span> on 23 Sep 2019 - 16:52</span> <a href="/comment/64587#comment-64587" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/64587#comment-64587" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">I did not predict that Jesus </a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body"><p>I did not predict that Jesus + chemistry + bad poetry = Pacamac, but perhaps that actually makes sense.</p> </div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=64587&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="L6j8BbfQoGvGLrKBaJFYIv2XgjCG96K_NWB6L5lkSvQ"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> </footer> </article> </section> Sun, 16 Jun 2019 16:00:09 +0000 Alfred Armstrong 1034 at http://oddbooks.co.uk UnCommon Sense http://oddbooks.co.uk/oddbooks/uncommon-sense <span>UnCommon Sense</span> <span><span lang="" about="/users/alfred-armstrong" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Alfred Armstrong</span></span> <span>12 Feb 2017 - 20:26</span> <div class="oddbook__field-author d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Author(s)<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">Russell T. Wing</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-publisher d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Publisher<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">T. S. Denison &amp; Co.</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-pubdate d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Edition / Year<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">1955</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-file-under d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> File under<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__items"> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/poetry" hreflang="en">poetry</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/inventions" hreflang="en">inventions</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/inaccurately-predicting-things" hreflang="en">inaccurately predicting things</a></span> </div> </div> <div class="oddbook__taxonomy-vocabulary-1 d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> In the section labelled<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/category/odd-books/rancid-rhymes" hreflang="en">Rancid Rhymes</a></div> </div> <div class="oddbook__body"><p><a href="/sites/default/files/files/wing1.jpg" class="colorbox"><img alt="" src="/sites/default/files/resize/files/wing1-250x372.jpg" data-entity-uuid="b22a37ee-de90-4635-8942-5f3adc8db601" data-entity-type="file" width="250" height="372" class="align-right" /></a></p> <blockquote><p><strong>What book could be finer</strong> than one which teaches processes of logic and thought?</p> <p><strong>What could be a finer gift to youth,</strong> now beset by slanted and dangerous influences, than an exposition of communist tricks; and proof that Capitalism is the true course for human advancement?</p> <p><strong>What finer gift could be presented to every motorist</strong> than an outline which, when followed, can eliminate the litter from our highways and parks; which can greatly improve highway safety and design; which can bring true glareless night driving, and a multitude of other motorcar improvements?</p> </blockquote> <p>The above comes from Russell T. Wing's characteristically immodest blurb to his book, which is with equally characteristic eccentricity printed on its endpapers, an innovation he boasts of as "a new trend in book construction". Having had some notable successes as an inventor Wing saw himself as a prophet and trailblazer whose words would be worthy of the world's attention.</p> <p>The world chose to take a different view, possibly because he decided to express himself in verse, a difficult medium at best, and not one commonly used to advocate improvements in motor car design. The overlap between readers of poetry and those interested in engineering is a small one. This may be a regrettable state of affairs, but it is an enduring one.</p> <p>Wing was an engineer and inventor whose career reached a peak in 1940 when he patented <a href="https://www.google.com/patents/US2187528">a new ink feed mechanism for the fountain pen</a>. This was taken up by the Parker Pen company and it brought him a generous income for the time, as evidenced in <a href="https://www.courtlistener.com/opinion/251038/russell-t-wing-and-zoe-e-wing-v-commissioner-of-internal-revenue/">a court case he brought against the Inland Revenue</a>. With such a success behind him you might expect he would be a contented soul but on the evidence of this book that was not the case - perhaps to have an inventive nature demands constant dissatisfaction with the state of things.</p> <p>The very first poem in this volume sets the tone. Titled "Pirates and Progress", it starts with an accusation against the U.S. government of stealing one of Wing's ideas, for a helicopter design that he submitted in 1917. I am no expert in this field but it seems the unique feature of Wing's design was that of coaxial rotor blades - by no means an original idea to him, at least according to <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coaxial_rotors">Wikipedia's page on the topic</a>.</p> <p><a href="/sites/default/files/files/wing2.jpg" class="colorbox"><img alt="" src="/sites/default/files/resize/files/wing2-650x451.jpg" data-entity-uuid="2be5085c-8266-4f9e-a0e7-a1ec239dd1ec" data-entity-type="file" width="650" height="451" /></a></p> <p>Wing, though, was convinced he had been robbed of recognition for his invention:</p> <blockquote><p>For in the Patent Office stands<br /> the proof that all may see —<br /> There stands in perfect detail that<br /> invention done by me<br /> But in that patent nowhere is<br /> due credit to to be found ...<br /> just evidence that I received<br /> a shunted run-around.</p> <p>Then too, the application date<br /> is two years past beyond<br /> that day some minor bureaucrat<br /> saw mine in trust and bond.</p> </blockquote> <p>Having had his grumble about this iniquity, he effectively turns the other cheek and presents a series of ideas for the improvement of the automobile</p> <blockquote><p>but this time I will not expect<br /> reward for what is mine.</p> </blockquote> <p>His vision of the future of motor transport is remarkable, if not entirely on the money.</p> <blockquote><p>Its wheels will not be seen or heard;<br /> no tires will it have;<br /> and like a mobile hotel room,<br /> may even have a "lav".</p> <p>And tho you speed across plowed fields,<br /> its gentle glide will make<br /> you feel like you are in a boat<br /> upon a placid lake.</p> <p>Forever gone will be the fear<br /> of blowout or of flat.<br /> The treads will last the life of car —<br /> a million miles, at that.</p> <p>The treads will be metalic belts,<br /> spring-bridged between the wheels,<br /> and rubberized with non-skid face<br /> which never cracks or peels.</p> </blockquote> <p>The car of the future will also have neither front nor back, being able to travel equally well in either direction, it'll have a non-polluting super-efficient motor "in the treads", and headlamps on its roof. The driver's seat will swivel to face the direction of travel, though how this will work when there are passengers on board is not explained. He does mention that the seats "convert to beds" so perhaps any passengers have to remain horizontal so as not to obstruct the field of view.</p> <p>The only things stopping this marvel being a reality are apparently the dual curses of taxation and patent law.</p> <blockquote><p>Not only can you lose today's<br /> invention if you're lax;<br /> incentive too they're stealing with<br /> confiscatory tax.</p> <p>But, these are only part of the<br /> offenders of the day —<br /> The patent laws and rulings are<br /> long moldy with decay.</p> <p>In fact, with great inventions, like<br /> a 'copter or a car,<br /> the lone inventor seems to have<br /> poor chance of getting far.<br /> For by the time the thing is done;<br /> perfected and on sale,<br /> the patent has expired or he<br /> is litigated pale.</p> </blockquote> <p>Further poems follow on similar topics, including one prescient plea that car engines be designed to use less gas when idling. But solving the problems of the motor industry is merely a warm-up to tacking those of the entire economy, with the advent of:</p> <blockquote><p><strong>REASONISM</strong></p> </blockquote> <p>"Reasonism" is Wing's new political philosophy ,"Common Sense in Capitalism" as he sloganises it, and he returns to prose to expound it.  As I understand it, the logic underlying Reasonism is that the twin evils of inflation and unemployment give communists easy targets when it comes to criticising capitalism. He's not against automation as such but he thinks it should be possible to "tax the machines" when they put people out of jobs in order to balance the social ill. This disincentive to automation would ensure full employment and somehow banish inflation as well. His vision of utopia, in which there are more hand-made goods and more people work on the land, is almost akin to that of William Morris's doctrine:</p> <blockquote><p>It is right and necessary that all men should have work to do which shall he worth doing, and be of itself pleasant to do; and which should he done under such conditions as would make it neither over-wearisome nor over-anxious.</p> </blockquote> <p>Reasonism, as one would expect, is also expressed by Wing in poetic form and there we find a clumsier statement of a comparable idea, though with more emphasis on meritocracy and individualism:</p> <blockquote><p>Since time began there's been the snow,<br /> yet never have there been two flakes alike.<br /> And so with men, no two are made the same,<br /> yet all deserve to grow with equal right.<br /> Some folks are dolts, and others genius bear;<br /> and in between these, variations stand,<br /> The Reasonistic system brings to each,<br /> opportunities and the great assurance that,<br /> rewards will follow for achievements made.<br /> This system mus therefore assure that those<br /> deserving shall receive rewards, and those<br /> of small reward shall wait their turn to rise,<br /> befitting their capacities and hopes,<br /> individuals must be paramount and free;<br /> and government-competing must not be.</p> </blockquote> <p>Wing, being an ardent anti-communist (this volume also contains an ode to McCarthyism), probably never read Morris and would have violently rejected any such comparison.</p> <p>If Reasonism does not appeal perhaps Wing's next wizard wheeze would be more to your taste? He had observed the unedifying tendency for motorists to litter the highways, and came up with his own eminently practical solution.</p> <blockquote><p><strong>THE GOLDEN WAY</strong></p> <p>Nature clubs and automobile clubs might offer a promising service and a worthy "game" to their members by conducting a <strong>Rule of the Road</strong> campaign.</p> <p>Let kits be made available, perhaps priced at $1.00 each. A kit to consist of a membership sticker and a shopping bag or a carton with a handle: each to be printed with the first two stanzas from the pledge found in The Golden Way.*</p> <p>Upon the purchase of a given number of kits or upon the approval for outstanding service, an honorary plaque could be won.</p> <p>Let all receipts be applied to further the cause. The results could be very interesting.</p> <p> * Permssion granted on request.</p> </blockquote> <p>The stanzas in question come from another lengthy piece of doggerel, this time with the worthy aim of getting people to take their litter home with them.</p> <blockquote><p>Today I pledge myself to live<br /> within our Free Domain<br /> by action as intended in<br /> The Golden Rule of man.</p> <p>Not only will I leave no trash<br /> defacing God's design,<br /> but I will condescend to stoop<br /> and gather <em>more</em> than mine.</p> </blockquote> <p>Stirring stuff, and it is truly a wonder that none were inspired to take up the cause. A bag with those words printed on would just shriek "I am a better person than you" and isn't that what we all want for ourselves?</p> <p>No? never mind, Wing has yet another brilliant project for us, the Alfonet (no relation). The Alfonet is a proposal for spelling reform, a <em>phonetic alphabet</em> - see? Unlike earlier schemes whereby letters not strictly needed such as "X" (which can be replaced by "KS" or "Z" as appropriate) would simply be dropped, Wing's idea was to re-use the redundant letters, but as vowels, specifically their short forms. The existing vowels would be retained but only for their long forms. "X" would be a short "A" as in "cat", while "A" would represent the long form as in "car". The word "Alfonet" itself becomes "Xlfonct" in this formulation. To give you a better idea, here's a sample verse which I'm sure will convince you of the simple brilliance of Wing's approach:</p> <blockquote><p>So, prxtys tu urit xnd tu tip Xlfonct;<br /> yn playng uizt yt, zte mor skyll uwn uyll gct.<br /> Wntyl, hucn eu find ztxt eu <strong>kxnnqt mysspcll,</strong><br /> xnd ztxt yn pronqunsyng, <strong>ekh lcttr uyll tcll —</strong><br /> ztcr kwmz ztxt "old dqn", brakyng thru uyzt a glo:<br /> <strong>"Hui dydn't ue uz Xlfonct lqng aago?"</strong></p> </blockquote> <p>This is not Wing's only assault on the conventionalities of typography: he also has a go at punctuation in a short piece with the intriguing title of "Midget Pitfalls". Punctuation marks as traditionally printed are too small, he avows, and they should be much larger to reduce the risk of confusion, and indeed throught the book this rule is followed, giving it a slightly odd look. No social evil is too petty for Wing's consideration, evidently. </p> <blockquote><p>Let puny punctuation be<br /> forever dead and gone;<br /> cast out those midget pitfalls made<br /> for minds to trip upon!</p> </blockquote> <p>Were this abundance of new ideas not enough, Wing gives us other verses supposedly humorous and inspirational. And, yes, they are as dreary as you might expect, so I'll not excerpt them here, but I think I have demonstrated the range and quality of Wing's ideas. As his blurb puts it:</p> <blockquote><p>NEED MORE BE SAID?</p> <p>Let rhythm and reason bring to jell<br /> our perilous modernistic spell,<br /> and show the "rhyme and reason" for<br /> the fates that long beset our door.</p> <p>Let minds, mature or blessed with youth,<br /> behold the values that the truth<br /> can bend to our subservience<br /> when guided by Uncommon Sense!</p> </blockquote></div> <section class="comment-list"> <h2>Comments</h2> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header"> Leave a comment </div> <div class="card-body"> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderForm" arguments="0=node&amp;1=1021&amp;2=comment_node_oddbook&amp;3=comment_node_oddbook" token="RTxEd-UtVxzb7YQYCaauXBVbzq27QwMusSd8Yzq8BRQ"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <article data-comment-user-id="0" id="comment-49411" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1492474861"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <span lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Glasby (not verified)</span> on 18 Apr 2017 - 02:21</span> <a href="/comment/49411#comment-49411" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/49411#comment-49411" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">Wut x lod uv shxt</a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body"><p>Wut x lod uv shxt</p> </div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=49411&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="HcFrP-oXYBGu8HLQq2_YDGJTE7gPzrTZh5Bd1fFwAoE"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> </footer> </article> </section> Sun, 12 Feb 2017 19:26:23 +0000 Alfred Armstrong 1021 at http://oddbooks.co.uk http://oddbooks.co.uk/oddbooks/uncommon-sense#comments Letters to Diana Princess of Wales http://oddbooks.co.uk/oddbooks/letters-diana-princess-wales <span>Letters to Diana Princess of Wales</span> <span><span lang="" about="/users/alfred-armstrong" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Alfred Armstrong</span></span> <span>22 Jun 2014 - 18:32</span> <div class="oddbook__field-author d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Author(s)<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">John L. Van der Heyden</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-publisher d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Publisher<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">Trafford</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-pubdate d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Edition / Year<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">2001</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-file-under d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> File under<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__items"> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/famous-names" hreflang="en">famous names</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/letters" hreflang="en">letters</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/not-crazy-person" hreflang="en">not a crazy person</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/poetry" hreflang="en">poetry</a></span> </div> </div> <div class="oddbook__taxonomy-vocabulary-1 d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> In the section labelled<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/category/odd-books/lone-voices" hreflang="en">Lone Voices</a></div> </div> <div class="oddbook__body"><p><a href="/sites/default/files/files/vanderheyden1.jpg" class="colorbox"><img alt="Letters to Diana" src="/sites/default/files/resize/files/vanderheyden1-250x357.jpg" data-entity-uuid="42d263d8-ae24-478c-8beb-57e993a35268" data-entity-type="file" width="250" height="357" class="align-right" /></a>Between September 1996 and her death just under a year later in August 1997, Dutch businessman John Van der Heyden sent a series of extraordinary letters to Diana Spencer, Princess of Wales. Fortunately he kept copies of this one-sided correspondence and was thus able to compile it into an instructive book for the benefit of all.</p> <p>Van der Heyden does not say why he chose to publish his letters, but as it happens they tell an inspiring story. Here is a man who chooses to follow his dream against all reason: he sees himself as a latterday Don Quixote, which indeed he is, in a somewhat post-modern fashion. </p> <p>To understand how, you first need to know a little about the Instituto Cervantes. Wikipedia says:</p> <blockquote><p>The Cervantes Institute is a worldwide non-profit organization created by the Spanish government in 1991. It is named after Miguel de Cervantes (1547–1616), the author of Don Quixote and perhaps the most important figure in the history of Spanish literature. The Cervantes Institute, a government agency, is the largest organization in the world responsible for promoting the study and the teaching of Spanish language and culture.</p> <p>This organization has branched out in over 20 different countries with 54 centres devoted to the Spanish and Hispanic American culture and Spanish Language. Article 3 of Law 7/1991, created by the Instituto Cervantes on March 21, explains that the ultimate goals of the Institute are to promote the education, the study and the use of Spanish universally as a second language, to support the methods and activities that would help the process of Spanish language education, and to contribute to the advancement of the Spanish and Hispanic American cultures throughout non-Spanish-speaking countries.</p> </blockquote> <p>Shortly after the founding of the original Instituto Cervantes, Van der Heyden seems to have had the brilliant idea of setting up his <a href="http://www.cervantesonline.nl/VerzondenBrieven/19970206ICBNLUKCH.html">own company of the same name</a> based in the Low Countries with comparable aims to its namesake such as offering lessons in Spanish. To the casual observer, this might look like a classic scam, rather like those foreign language schools in Oxford that are named so as to trick students into thinking they are affiliated with the university. But Van der Heyden, whose motives, at least in his own mind, appear spotless, never appears to actually achieve anything of significance, possibly - and I am guessing here - because any potential business associates suspect he is unhinged. He does however manage to register his Instituto Cervantes as a company in the UK, where its registered address is at <a href="https://www.google.co.uk/maps/@51.090499,1.185786,3a,75y,109.44h,81.27t/data=!3m4!1e1!3m2!1s0DCv6urPgL_31sAJ3HBYGA!2e0">a nondescript terraced house in Folkestone</a>.</p> <p><a href="/sites/default/files/files/vanderheyden2.jpg" class="colorbox"><img alt="Rear cover blurb" src="/sites/default/files/resize/files/vanderheyden2-250x362.jpg" data-entity-uuid="eadd26a9-422b-40e5-9e81-b465ef1fde3f" data-entity-type="file" width="250" height="362" class="align-right" /></a>In one of his letters he explains the financial situation of this company and gives a breakdown of its profits. Expenses amounting to <strong>£5,044.99</strong> (including a mysterious entry of £0.66 for "accommodation") are listed against total receipts of a staggering <strong>£26,822,425.99</strong>. These receipts are made up of a mere £490.55 for "course fees" while the balance of £26,821,925.44 is for a "claim on the state". I am not an accountant but I believe it is considered not quite the thing to count as a receipt money that has not actually been paid to you and probably never will be. Why Van der Heyden thinks the Dutch government owe him this sum is not clear - though it may be connected to his having been forcibly incarcerated some years earlier in a mental hospital - but he's convinced of his dues, as he explains in a document headed "State of the Union", originally sent to the Prime Minister of the Netherlands, and then later to his Dulcinea, Diana:</p> <blockquote><p>My claim on the State of the Netherlands as stated in my fax of 13 September 1996 to the Prime Minister is a rock-hard claim and completely legitimate. It is not a matter of terror of figures, but of figures to avoid terror. This claim will be maintained unimpaired. This will also be the case with respect to the proposal for an arrangement. After having received the amount a reputable financial economical expert will he attracted in order to offer the policy a thorough financial economical basis and a contribution to further economical growth and improvement of the infrastructure of the European Union.</p> </blockquote> <p>The letters are not all concerned with such serious matters, far from it. In general they maintain quite a chatty tone that is often reminiscent in its non-sequiturs and unselfconscious presumption of the great <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hoax_letter_writers#Henry_Root">Henry Root</a>. He sends her snapshots of himself and things of interest taken during his travels (pub signs and parked cars feature quite a lot). He quotes astrological forecasts from popular newspapers. He is a keen reader of the UK tabloids and repeats what they are saying about Diana back to her.</p> <p>Above all, Van der Heyden is a man of <em>projects</em>. Throughout the letters he pursues first this venture, then that:</p> <ul> <li> He recommends himself for the post of "Educational Officer with salary and residence" to oversee the schooling of the young princes William and Harry. In anticipation he orders "the vocabularies of German at Reader's Digest because William is fond of languages".</li> <li> He decides that his pen is worth "a million guilders or more" for its historical value. When he wants to auction it, though, he finds it is missing.</li> <li> He considers moving to England to further his plans in relation to Diana and the Instituto Cervantes. "I herewith request your collaboration in finding me a residence to live in. Anne Hathaway's Cottage would be very suitable to start all activities."</li> <li> He undertakes a legal process to formally change his name from its Dutch spelling of "Van der Heijden", which is somehow an impediment to his success.</li> <li> He requests that the Dutch High Council of Nobilty grant him the title "Graaf" (Count).</li> <li> He applies for an important teaching post as follows:</li> </ul> <blockquote><p><a href="/sites/default/files/files/vanderheyden5.jpg" class="colorbox"><img alt="" src="/sites/default/files/resize/files/vanderheyden5-150x114.jpg" data-entity-uuid="b6f25129-1dff-4be2-adc7-49b0d5b3af9c" data-entity-type="file" width="150" height="114" class="align-right" /></a>I sent my application to the Head Master of Eton College with the following note: "As I noticed that you had some problems at your Language Department I herewith have the honour to apply for the function of Head of Modern Languages at Eton College as from the First of June of this year. Enclosed you find mu curriculum vitae and personal biography. My practical knowledge of languges comprises Dutch, Spanish, English, German, French and Italian. My Diploma of Spanish is of the First Degree. As you will notice my core business in life aiways has been education. As the owner of the trade mark 'Instituto Cervantes' in the Benelux and the Limited 'Instituto Cervantes England and Wales' I like to delegate all development tasks to other people and stick to my core business. When you may be interested I will send you my diplomas, certificates and letters of recommendation by fax".</p> </blockquote> <p>Wisely when listing his linguistic qualifications, he does not mention that he once described a woman as wearing a "Scottish kilt and head". I'm sure the pupils at Eton kindly overlook minor slip-ups in English, or at least politely correct them. "Do you mean 'hat', Sir?"</p> <p>Most importantly of all, is his a letter of 28 December 1996 which reads, in its entirety:</p> <blockquote><p>Decision. Dear Diana. If we can reach a business agreement I will marry you. If not, I will marry you too. If you want. Yours, John Van der Heyden.</p> </blockquote> <p><a href="/sites/default/files/files/vanderheyden3.jpg" class="colorbox"><img alt="" src="/sites/default/files/resize/files/vanderheyden3-200x318.jpg" data-entity-uuid="48c09de8-3d1c-4d62-9380-548cefa8e214" data-entity-type="file" width="200" height="318" class="align-right" /></a>What woman, even one so exalted in society, could resist? However, not everyone comprehends the purity of his intentions:</p> <blockquote><p>At <a href="http://www.restaurantslijst.nl/gelderland/nijmegen/applebee's.html">Applebee's</a> [restaurant] I had a conversation with two British gentlemen from Yorkshire (yellow T-shirt and lettering 'Russel's') and Hampshire (Plymouth). It was a rather disagreeable conversation as a matter of fact after I had expressed them my embarrassment about the break-in at Kensington Palace and I had shown them your photograph. The man from Yorkshire was about to punch me in the face. I told him however that I am an honourable man. The Situation obliged me to withdraw and to sit down at a table under the poster of 'The Wizard of Oz' next to a broom on the wall that reminds me of 'Operation Heather Brooms'. I took a glass of 'Imperator' and offered the same drink to the English 'gentlemen'. They refused but preferred a glass of 'Brewtus'. I granted their request, because 'Brutus was an honourable man' (Shakespeare: Julius Caesar).</p> </blockquote> <p>Others also question not merely his motivation but his sanity, yet he is unabashed:</p> <blockquote><p>I should like to have my hair cut just like <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mario_Testino">Mario Testino</a>. Then you don't have to go on with a surrogate. One person - in Stratford - told me once 'You're mad'. I replied 'Some people may think so, but I am not'. It was the boy from Monaco. I do enjoy life - YES - that's true, but I am only mad about you. May I? <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AY-2einPmd4&amp;feature=kp">A certain Mr Whitaker does not believe in 'IF' anymore</a>. But I do Love.</p> </blockquote> <p>Despite there being no reply to his proposal, positive or otherwise, he continues with his plans. After the marriage, to take place "next 28 September in Palace Het Loo in Apeldoorn", he expects to be made Earl of Warwick, though for some reason "that depends for a great deal on Madame Tussaud's". Although he understandably disapproves of Dodi Fayed, he contacts his father Mohammed Al Fayed and invites him to invest in his company. Excitedly, he tells Diana "If Mr Al Fayed wants to participate We can buy our own Yacht in due course and go to every place you want in the world!" As the cherry on the cake, he sends her a "limerick" of singular literary quality:</p> <blockquote><p> <a href="/sites/default/files/files/vanderheyden4.jpg" class="colorbox"><img alt="" src="/sites/default/files/resize/files/vanderheyden4-200x272.jpg" data-entity-uuid="be6aaaf3-8ca7-4273-afd2-cbdadd465da2" data-entity-type="file" width="200" height="272" class="align-right" /></a></p> <p>When William and Mary went together<br /> They saved Britain and Holland from bad weather<br /> As from today in the future<br /> To our countries there will not be a malicious creature<br /> When Diana and John get together<br /> P.S. Red colours very well in the heather</p> </blockquote> <p>Unfortunately, Diana and John were fated never to get together, as she of course died before their expected wedding date. His process of mourning on hearing the news involves a pub crawl:</p> <blockquote><p>... I took the train to The Hague, to pay a visit to Vitalizee [health spa]. In the train they told me Lady Di is dead. She died in a car crash in Paris. Is that not a typical coincidence since I sent my postcard to ‘My Fifth Rose’ [one of his names for Diana] in K[ensington]P[alace]  on 30 April and I took the wrong train to Paris? I had to carry on, because You’re still in my life. First I went to Vitalizee and spoke with Marc Sanders, cousin of <a href="http://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emily_Bremers">Emily Bremers</a> and looked at the Pavilion of 'Watermans', that reminded me of my stay at 'Watermans' in Henley. I had four glasses of 'De Koninck' that reminded mc of the support of the Four Royal Houses of The Netherlands, Belgium, Luxemburg and Spain for Our new relationship. Then I went to Noordwijk. <a href="http://www.debaak.com/">De Baak</a> was closed of course. So I went to Huis ter Duin and they offered me two glasses of 'the queen of beers'. Then to Hotel Oranje. They played 'Lady in Red' and I realized that My Number One is dead!!!. I told this to an American Manager and We have to continue. I trust in Your Brother Charles and hope to meet him very soon. </p> </blockquote> <p>So, if Van der Heyden is a Don Quixote for our times, befuddled with visions of corporate success and royal weddings, tilting at the windmills of imagined state injustice, sadly he seemingly lacks any Sancho Panza to keep his feet on the ground. Nevertheless, he remains cheerful and resolute throughout, as in his final farewell to Diana:</p> <blockquote><p>I will finish The Job and You will always remain in my Heart.</p> </blockquote> <p> As <em>Don Quixote</em> teaches us, even if The Job is quite imaginary, it's the sentiment that counts.</p></div> <section class="comment-list"> <h2>Comments</h2> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header"> Leave a comment </div> <div class="card-body"> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderForm" arguments="0=node&amp;1=1005&amp;2=comment_node_oddbook&amp;3=comment_node_oddbook" token="kN-0CqMVU26X6pWbfH86uP8LW1lhOAWF4TKofGlhFzU"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <article data-comment-user-id="0" id="comment-8229" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1403466742"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <span lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Rob (not verified)</span> on 22 Jun 2014 - 21:52</span> <a href="/comment/8229#comment-8229" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/8229#comment-8229" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">Incredible!</a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body"><p>Incredible!</p> </div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=8229&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="0NtzYjJuil2nIGIbs4M0wy8u5H5JD9kmdEV9ObioZPo"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> </footer> </article> <article data-comment-user-id="0" id="comment-9414" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1404457313"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <span lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Ed (not verified)</span> on 04 Jul 2014 - 09:01</span> <a href="/comment/9414#comment-9414" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/9414#comment-9414" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">I&#039;m not surprised to learn</a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body"><p>I&#039;m not surprised to learn that a garden variety lunatic was fixated on Diana, but I am surprised to learn that there&#039;s are Applebee&#039;s in the Netherlands. Is it mainly for tourists, or are they suffering from a shortage of chain restaurants that serve cheap booze and greasy, tasteless food?</p> </div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=9414&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="4IuKnV_Yk8_LBL6iwEOfWtzNplFzKP2drZ6xItBqjWc"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> </footer> </article> </section> Sun, 22 Jun 2014 16:32:46 +0000 Alfred Armstrong 1005 at http://oddbooks.co.uk http://oddbooks.co.uk/oddbooks/letters-diana-princess-wales#comments Why Must Husbands Be So Dumb? http://oddbooks.co.uk/oddbooks/why-must-husbands-be-so-dumb <span>Why Must Husbands Be So Dumb?</span> <span><span lang="" about="/users/alfred-armstrong" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Alfred Armstrong</span></span> <span>20 Aug 2011 - 16:56</span> <div class="oddbook__field-author d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Author(s)<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">Wayne Groves Barrows</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-publisher d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Publisher<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">Vantage Press</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-pubdate d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Edition / Year<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">1966</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-file-under d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> File under<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__items"> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/fiction" hreflang="en">fiction</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/racism" hreflang="en">racism</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/marriage" hreflang="en">marriage</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/poetry" hreflang="en">poetry</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/retired-self-publishers" hreflang="en">retired self-publishers</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/cranky-old-geezers" hreflang="en">cranky old geezers</a></span> </div> </div> <div class="oddbook__taxonomy-vocabulary-1 d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> In the section labelled<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/category/odd-books/lone-voices" hreflang="en">Lone Voices</a></div> </div> <div class="oddbook__body"><p><a href="/sites/default/files/files/dumbhusbands.jpg" class="colorbox"><img align="right" alt="" height="294" src="/sites/default/files/files/dumbhusbands.jpg" data-entity-uuid="eff27f0d-32f9-4a10-a127-41a179693010" data-entity-type="file" class="align-right align-right" width="200" /></a>The author of this obscure work poses an important question, one that remains unanswered almost 50 years after his book was published. <em>Why</em>, <strong>indeed</strong>, <em>Must Husbands Be So Dumb? </em></p> <p>Unfortunately you are unlikely to learn any answers from reading this work. If anything you are likely to be more confused than you were previously. Before you have even opened it you will be wondering <em>What The Hell Is Wayne Groves Barrows Going On About?</em></p> <p>The front cover bears an unconventional blurb:</p> <blockquote><p>A divorcée confesses to a divorcé that when she first met him, she set out to make a conquest, seeing that he was so confused. She had learned of his cohabitation and had determined to get some of his money spent. Then she recognizes how befuddled he is, becomes converted and alters her schemes. She tries to help him reform and develops genuine love for him, despite his sins. He does not choose to marry, but to enjoy his fast life, so she designs a method to entrap him into wedlock.</p> <p> Did she practice a desperate, stupid trick? Still, to her "All is fair in love and war!" She cries, "The mistakes I made will haunt me for the rest of my life!"</p> <p> NEW BIRTH CONTROL PILL PERFECT</p> <p> Dr. M. O. Greaney, Jr.<br /> (described on page 199 in this book)</p> <p> Herein is depicted the lewd competition many wives are encountering,</p> <p> Too long have betrayed wives waited for this book, the drama of the faithless husbands.</p> </blockquote> <p>(Just to add to the air of confusion, on the back cover there is an apparently unrelated passage concerning a fictional brothel). One can be confident from this that befuddlement will be accurately depicted within, and so it is. Perhaps realising that the book might be misunderstood, Barrows addresses potential critics directly in an introduction. One might feel that he was over optimistic in expecting any newspaper to give space to a vanity-press publication such as this, but if they did, he was ready for them:</p> <blockquote><p>TO THE REVIEWERS</p> <p> <em>Pertinent Suggestions:</em></p> <p> Newspaper reviewers might criticize this book because there is too much <em>dialogue </em>in it.</p> <p> On the other hand, too much <em>description </em>puts the <em>author </em>too much into the work.</p> <p> Yet <em>dialogue </em>presents the <em>characters acting directly</em>.</p> <p> Obviously, the reviewer who cannot accept and read <em>dialogue </em>makes a backward stage actor. For the dialogue of a play is both very <em>active </em>and <em>descriptive</em>. It fashions the plot.</p> <p> By using too much <em>description</em>, there is too much lost motion while the author tells the reader <em>how the character feels</em>.</p> <p> By using <em>dialogue </em>the <em>character </em>tells the reader <em>how the character feels</em>. Remove <em>quotation marks</em> . . . and there is the <em>description</em>.</p> <p> That is a direct punch!</p> <p> Notice how emphatically, forcibly and precisely the <em>dialogue </em>operates in my manuscript. After all, <em>dialogue </em>is <em>description </em>bounded by quotation marks. (Can there be a consistent objection?)</p> <p> The theme of this treatise is: <em>How divorce is caused by dumb husbands</em>—as proved by various angles.</p> <p> The employment of "dumb husbands" as the protagonists of the book, involved in the plot, might classify it as a novel.</p> <p> Sometimes this book is written in the first person, somelimes in the third.</p> <p> Again, any one of the parts could be called a short story or a short short. The material is just that elastic. When it is kneaded together and baked by reading, it becomes a nourishing loaf.</p> </blockquote> <p>Elastic, indeed. His first chapter is a series of ruminations on the colour problem. If we are descended from Adam and Eve, why do some have different skin colours from others? He doesn't know, but he does make a startling prediction when in conversation with "an elderly Negress":</p> <blockquote><p>"... you colored folks will eventually control the votes, as you are multiplying so fast. You will elect a colored President of the United States".</p> <p>She grinned in a way that made me sick to my stomach.</p> </blockquote> <p>Oh dear. Happily, most of Barrows' work is concerned with gender politics rather than racial matters. With his capacity for going off the point, fondness for odd metaphors and malapropisms, however, it is difficult to be sure what he is getting at. At times his writing resembles the cut-up experiments of William Burroughs, though with fewer penises and giant insects. Here's a entire brief chapter for you to test your wits on. What on earth does it all mean?</p> <blockquote><p>THEIR MARRIAGE IS LIKE A MESS OF SCRAMBLED EGGS</p> <p> The disorderly conduct of Izzy Green increases his divorce status immeasurably. His human value evaporates like artificial ice in the July sun.</p> <p> This prompts his wife to appeal to a court. Divorce, although it relieves the wife, deeply upsets her emotions and fastens problems upon her; whereas the husband generally shrugs it off and contemplates that the woods are abounding with deer for his "happy hunting." The divorce is the conclusion of their intimate association; still, life must be continued. Destiny lies in the lap of the gods—sometimes it is called "fate." Their son was killed in Korea. Thank heaven, he is not alive today to witness their disgrace. The divorce consummates their marriage. Each one will move in a separate atmosphere. They are criticized and sympathized with by their friends and acquaintances, according to imagination-misjudgements. Time will iron out the wrinkles made by circumstances. Mr. Green accepts his lot in a manner which onsets his failure. Being overpowered by his sensuality, he engages in compromising acts with other divorcees, which intensifies conditions instead of subduing them.</p> <p> Each participant is punished and condemned by his or her personal behavior. There is an old saying, "Two wrongs do not make a right." Often love falls into hate and justice into spiteful reactions. Other people try to be conciliatory while living separate lives. It all appears to be a mess of scrambled eggs.</p> <p> Thus, once the situation takes hold, it rattles like a snake; but who heeds its warning when the outcome is "rattled"?</p> <p> And consider that counterfeit relation termed "companionate marriage," in which the couple does not have children until they are sure (by what guarantee?) that they wish to stay married, or divorce by mutual consent would be permitted before children were born (provided birth control were effective).</p> <p> If such an experiment were attempted, why not make it easier by common-law cohabitation? It would save the cost of a court ruling. In either case, would there be alimony? Is the beautiful institution of matrimony to be treated like a card game, with two little jokers hidden up the dumb husband's sleeve?</p> <p> True, some wives naturally make their share of mistakes, but they often endure a lot of the husband's silently. Thus, they divorce him as a last resort. Previously, they really endeavored<br /> to keep the "old ship of marriage" sailing through the storm into a protecting harbor, where the anchor of tolerance may be dropped securely.</p> <p> Unfortunately, many wives have had motherhood forced upon them. They submitted to the marital situation, pretending that it was desired. So the husband feels that the wife is cold. The husband has failed to be a true lover. Instead, he asserts his legal right; whereas a true lover-boy will naturally win his wife to co-operate.</p> <p> On the other hand, Hope Hathaway would not trade her maidenhood for her present condition of divorce.</p> <p> Ah, but there happens to be that element called "love," and it gladly accepts all obstacles, severe though they be. So this crazy thing of life goes around in circles. For God Almighty willed it that way. It makes humanity expendable here for His Glory!</p> <p> Hope Hathaway lost her daughter by pneumonia. She has no desire for another child, so she depends on birth control,</p> <p> Sussie's son went as a missionary into the Congo, but she did not hear from him. Newspapers reported a case of cannibalism in the locality where he was last heard from. His mother now carries the bad news in her aching heart, but she never mentions it.</p> <p> The divorcees' bereavement proves the futility of counting on a family. (The author can testify to the vanity of it—in fact, he has!) True, a family gives the greatest joy, but only to have it reversed into the deepest sorrow! Hence, how does the scale of life come into balance?</p> </blockquote> <p>Don't be concerned that you don't know anything about these characters. Take my word for it that this extract won't make any more sense whether you have read what precedes it or not. Barrows has a notable talent for the sort of writing that is immediately forgettable, since nothing flows from one page to the next. It is like a dream that turns to a mere haze of sensations on waking. You may vaguely recall that divorce is a bad thing and that adultery and prostitution are also to be shunned, but the rest is a blur.</p> <p>No, I am being a little unfair. A major subplot involving the Reverend Lovejoy [?!] taking a prostitute named Tiger Lily out of the brothel mentioned earlier and making her his wife is certainly memorable, not least for the Reverend's carrying a gun as protection against her former employers. Though he succeeds in protecting her against human foes, she succumbs to microscopic ones:</p> <blockquote><p>Lily was raising a fever. She was admitted into a hospital for observation.</p> <p> Her body temperature is normally around 98.6 Fahrenheit according to an oral thermometer. When a rectal temperature is taken, with the thermometer inserted in the anus, the normal temperature is usually about 1 degree higher (99.6 Fahrenheit). The temperature taken under the armpits is about 1 degree lower (97.5 Fahrenheit). It is not absolutely necessary to take a temperature to determine the fact of fever. The skin feels hot and dry, especially on the forehead. However, for doubtful cases, it is urgent to use a thermometer (a clinical one) to advise one when to call a doctor or whether to go to work, etc.</p> </blockquote> <p>One thing you cannot accuse Barrows of is stinting on medical detail. In another notable passage a mother breaks off a discussion with her daughter about the defects of her husband, the girl's father, to advise the girl to wash her genital region every day with soap and water. James Joyce would be proud.</p> <p>Intriguingly, the Library of Congress records two other works by a Wayne Groves Barrows, <cite>Law of the Range</cite><em> </em>and <cite>A Child of the Plains</cite>, published in 1909 and 1910 respectively. (The former was adapted for the cinema in 1914). Barrows says in his book that he was over 84 at the time of writing, so he must have been born in 1882 or 1881. It is not impossible that he wrote these two other works, which by their titles are probably Westerns. Google Books lists another book, from 1916,<cite> "I make all things new": a study of the Greek scriptures, which present a most surprising revelation!</cite> Is this, too, our chap? If so, why the 50 year gap in his writing career? Too busy being a dumb husband and becoming increasingly befuddled, perhaps.</p> <p>No literary excursion of this nature would be complete without some rotten poetry, and <em>Why Must Husbands Be So Dumb</em> is no exception. I'll leave you to ponder on this fine example of the art of verse:</p> <blockquote><p>Here we are, just a star<br /> On this earthly constellation.<br /> Bright we are from afar<br /> By expanding concentration.<br /> Thus we twinkle, outshine<br /> The pale full moon<br /> By a diamond-worked mine,<br /> With us a welcome boon!</p> </blockquote></div> <section class="comment-list"> <h2>Comments</h2> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header"> Leave a comment </div> <div class="card-body"> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderForm" arguments="0=node&amp;1=968&amp;2=comment_node_oddbook&amp;3=comment_node_oddbook" token="D9r8JNsy7f49_TRLlOoXNuAxqxQSvGoVTi3fGZLE5_E"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <article data-comment-user-id="0" id="comment-1459" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1313863128"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <span lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Anonymous (not verified)</span> on 20 Aug 2011 - 19:58</span> <a href="/comment/1459#comment-1459" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/1459#comment-1459" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">For my sins I used to edit</a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body">For my sins I used to edit books for a vanity press in the UK. This is pretty typical of the stuff that was sent in. I did try to make sense of some of them, but sometimes you cannot win, or understand, so I just punctuated and left them to rot. My heartfelt sympathies go out to the editor of this masterpiece.</div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=1459&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="eiwPrLzf0XZmnig41RJxwzp7WorZpwD-6e77162mABs"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> </footer> </article> <div class="indented"><article data-comment-user-id="1" id="comment-1460" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1313865639"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <span lang="" about="/users/alfred-armstrong" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Alfred Armstrong</span> on 20 Aug 2011 - 20:40</span> <a href="/comment/1460#comment-1460" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/1460#comment-1460" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">Gosh, if that were my job I</a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body"><p>Gosh, if that were my job I could do for a living what I do as a hobby ... but maybe not.</p></div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=1460&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="uW2QERtUXt4503NX-vkwi0kP6ndhR7ElqA1Sx3z4f_I"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> <p class="visually-hidden">In reply to <a href="/comment/1459#comment-1459" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">For my sins I used to edit</a> by <span lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Anonymous (not verified)</span></p> </footer> </article> </div><article data-comment-user-id="0" id="comment-1461" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1313916376"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <span lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Anonymous (not verified)</span> on 21 Aug 2011 - 10:46</span> <a href="/comment/1461#comment-1461" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/1461#comment-1461" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">I think more books should</a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body">I think more books should have little sidenotes about cannibalism poking up here and there out of the blue.</div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=1461&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="d1JUMq1_itfSXtlORNzsTIfhFY-5Cv49GfyT69Ij6mg"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> </footer> </article> <div class="indented"><article data-comment-user-id="1" id="comment-1462" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1313926974"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <span lang="" about="/users/alfred-armstrong" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Alfred Armstrong</span> on 21 Aug 2011 - 13:42</span> <a href="/comment/1462#comment-1462" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/1462#comment-1462" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">Yes, absolutely. And that</a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body"><p>Yes, absolutely. And that reminds me of another book on the review pile which deserves to be added to this site. Coming soon!</p> <p><a href="http://pics.livejournal.com/alfaguru/pic/00038c3z"></a></p></div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=1462&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="P1aK0sEokRewNL4bGqfWyvayDVGdkdEavRmqQfjwUCE"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> <p class="visually-hidden">In reply to <a href="/comment/1461#comment-1461" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">I think more books should</a> by <span lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Anonymous (not verified)</span></p> </footer> </article> </div><article data-comment-user-id="0" id="comment-1463" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1313928059"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <span lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Anonymous (not verified)</span> on 21 Aug 2011 - 14:00</span> <a href="/comment/1463#comment-1463" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/1463#comment-1463" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">ATE RAW WHITE MEN So I take</a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body">ATE RAW WHITE MEN So I take it that it's acceptable to eat a single nonwhite woman or child, as long as they're properly cooked, but gorging on raw white men is crossing a line of good taste.</div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=1463&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="KkVrjHa1rtwqB6jV84fCrrvz4XITBaqCW-AA_s9SWRg"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> </footer> </article> </section> Sat, 20 Aug 2011 14:56:09 +0000 Alfred Armstrong 968 at http://oddbooks.co.uk http://oddbooks.co.uk/oddbooks/why-must-husbands-be-so-dumb#comments Incredible Alliance http://oddbooks.co.uk/oddbooks/incredible-alliance <span>Incredible Alliance</span> <span><span lang="" about="/users/alfred-armstrong" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Alfred Armstrong</span></span> <span>07 Feb 2010 - 15:53</span> <div class="oddbook__field-author d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Author(s)<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">P. M. Doucé</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-publisher d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Publisher<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">Dorrance</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-pubdate d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Edition / Year<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">1975</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-file-under d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> File under<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__items"> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/famous-names" hreflang="en">famous names</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/t-s-eliot" hreflang="en">T. S. Eliot</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/poetry" hreflang="en">poetry</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/mediumship" hreflang="en">mediumship</a></span> </div> </div> <div class="oddbook__taxonomy-vocabulary-1 d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> In the section labelled<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/category/odd-books/ooh-spooky" hreflang="en">Ooh, Spooky</a></div> </div> <div class="oddbook__body"><p><a href="/sites/default/files/files/douce.jpg" class="colorbox"><img align="right" alt="P M Douce" data-entity-type="file" data-entity-uuid="b574d535-d53e-4abe-8383-affb1ecf0527" height="257" src="/sites/default/files/files/douce.jpg" width="200" class="align-right" /></a>In Incredible Alliance P. M. Doucé describes her experiments with automatic writing, in which she found herself filling pages with what seemed to her untrained mind to be poetry. Seeking further information about the source of this unbidden literary effusion, she consulted a psychic who told her that she had become the conduit for the posthumous creations of none other than T. S. Eliot.</p> <p>I wonder on what basis the unnamed psychic made this diagnosis. It does not seem to have involved any form of textual analysis, for as you'll see the resemblance between the verses produced by Doucé and those of the living Eliot is limited to their both containing words that might be found in a dictionary. The author of the Four Quartets and The Waste Land would appear to have shed all his mastery of language, his ambiguity and multi-layering of imagery in favour of a style that combines the philosophical insights of <a href="http://oddbooks.co.uk/oddbooks/other-side-coin">Patience Strong</a> with the formal precision of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E._J._Thribb">E. J. Thribb</a>. (Regular visitors to this site will already be aware of <a href="http://oddbooks.co.uk/oddbooks/twentiethplane.html">the extraordinary effect of death on great talents</a>).</p> <p>Instead of laughing at the suggestion that her portentous witterings emanated from the ghost of one of the 20th Century's greatest writers, Doucé took it at face-value and compiled this book in a sincere attempt to bring Eliot's afterlife wisdom to the world. Disappointingly, it was not picked up by <a href="http://www.faber.co.uk/author/ts-eliot/">Faber and Faber</a> but instead had to be issued through the vanity house of Dorrance, who therefore had the privilege of being the first to print such gems as this one:</p> <blockquote><p>For in these arms I lie<br /> And seek a new today<br /> A new tomorrow full of todays<br /> When colors blend<br /> And form their different hues<br /> And man responds<br /> To all the new and wondrous ways<br /> Of universal tranquilities.</p> <p>Then in those warbles<br /> Do the heartstrings sing a tune<br /> Too enchanting for the ordinary,<br /> Only the extraordinary<br /> Will survive to harmonize</p> <p>When<br /> All men seek<br /> And<br /> All men find<br /> Eternity.</p> </blockquote> <p>On the blurb, Ms Doucé says that before her "personal experience with Eliot", she "had no understanding of his genius." That, I would say, is an understatement.</p></div> <section class="comment-list"> <h2>Comments</h2> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header"> Leave a comment </div> <div class="card-body"> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderForm" arguments="0=node&amp;1=957&amp;2=comment_node_oddbook&amp;3=comment_node_oddbook" token="PvQPw7WzjRrbyrce9ukEs_UqqdNmCqdDE8xwDC2w6kY"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <article data-comment-user-id="0" id="comment-652" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1265561393"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <span lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Ian Kearey (not verified)</span> on 07 Feb 2010 - 17:49</span> <a href="/comment/652#comment-652" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/652#comment-652" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">&#039;T.S. Eliot&#039; is, of course,</a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body">'T.S. Eliot' is, of course, an anagram of 'toilets', which would seem to be the natural home of the poetry on offer. 'Psychic', strangely enough, is not an anagram of 'poet'. The lyrics on offer have echoes of Morecambe and Wise's timeless sonnet 'Bring Me Sunshine'...</div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=652&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="Rg7Hz9cuJb__VLUctG6aME8l0FbF2RRZ2zOkZNKsJ5c"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> </footer> </article> <article data-comment-user-id="0" id="comment-655" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1265580414"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <a rel="nofollow" href="http://causticcovercritic.blogspot.com" lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">JRSM (not verified)</a> on 07 Feb 2010 - 23:06</span> <a href="/comment/655#comment-655" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/655#comment-655" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">Another gem. Also, am I the</a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body">Another gem. Also, am I the only one to think that Ms Doucé is unusually cute for a literary nut-job?</div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=655&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="GyyJCuT9cvhPNuHy4NcW1ckn1bTrsAoc48X3pxkxz-s"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> </footer> </article> <div class="indented"><article data-comment-user-id="1" id="comment-656" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1265585587"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <span lang="" about="/users/alfred-armstrong" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Alfred Armstrong</span> on 08 Feb 2010 - 00:33</span> <a href="/comment/656#comment-656" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/656#comment-656" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">Way cuter than T. S. Eliot.</a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body"><p>Way cuter than T. S. Eliot. Maybe there should be a section of the site called "Hot Nut or Not Nut?".</p></div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=656&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="ItITtiQn6Nlaa2bY7yerkR_WiJM2VODgkUpHSxWMwj0"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> <p class="visually-hidden">In reply to <a href="/comment/655#comment-655" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">Another gem. Also, am I the</a> by <a rel="nofollow" href="http://causticcovercritic.blogspot.com" lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">JRSM (not verified)</a></p> </footer> </article> </div><article data-comment-user-id="0" id="comment-657" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1265600460"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <a rel="nofollow" href="http://ireadoddbooks.com" lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Anita Dalton (not verified)</a> on 08 Feb 2010 - 04:41</span> <a href="/comment/657#comment-657" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/657#comment-657" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">You manage to find some</a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body">You manage to find some amazingly insane older books. I feel this one will soon be on my "please let Amazon have this one somewhere in a condition better than acceptable" list. This book does not, I fear, answer the eternal question of why it is that amazing talents channel themselves through such untalented people. Nor does it explain why the pretty ones are always crazy. But damned if I don't want to read it anyway.</div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=657&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="QAdeMOU3KgRBfbZQv7SGiv5z63aUYPxpwnZVeFCfiRE"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> </footer> </article> <article data-comment-user-id="0" id="comment-658" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1265610164"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <span lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Cuyler (not verified)</span> on 08 Feb 2010 - 07:22</span> <a href="/comment/658#comment-658" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/658#comment-658" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">If you&#039;re cute enough, no</a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body">If you're cute enough, no one cares how bad your poetry is.... I'm not that much of a fan of Eliot, but this stuff - like most poetry - is utter drivel. Sturgeon's Law says that 90% (optimistically) or 99% (pessimistically) of any genre is drek. But I suspect that with poetry the percentage is more like 99.99 - and that's just what gets into print.</div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=658&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="Rugejv3td8EKM_SRaK9Ez7inbk8X6C_DIRyVQo9ou48"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> </footer> </article> </section> Sun, 07 Feb 2010 14:53:29 +0000 Alfred Armstrong 957 at http://oddbooks.co.uk http://oddbooks.co.uk/oddbooks/incredible-alliance#comments Supernatural Visions of the Madonna (1981 to 1991) London http://oddbooks.co.uk/oddbooks/supernatural-visions-madonna-1981-1991-london <span>Supernatural Visions of the Madonna (1981 to 1991) London</span> <span><span lang="" about="/users/alfred-armstrong" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Alfred Armstrong</span></span> <span>02 May 2009 - 18:16</span> <div class="oddbook__field-author d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Author(s)<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">Sofia Marie Gabriel (Sister Marie)</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-publisher d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Publisher<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">The Author</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-pubdate d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Edition / Year<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">1993</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-file-under d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> File under<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__items"> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/seeing-things" hreflang="en">seeing things</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/christianity" hreflang="en">Christianity</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/delightful-illustrations" hreflang="en">delightful illustrations</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/inaccurately-predicting-things" hreflang="en">inaccurately predicting things</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/poetry" hreflang="en">poetry</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/conspiracy" hreflang="en">conspiracy</a></span> </div> </div> <div class="oddbook__taxonomy-vocabulary-1 d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> In the section labelled<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/category/odd-books/religious-bent" hreflang="en">The Religious Bent</a></div> </div> <div class="oddbook__body"><p><a href="/sites/default/files/files/images/oddbooks/madonna1.jpg" class="colorbox"><img align="right" alt="Supernatural Visions" data-entity-type="file" data-entity-uuid="c89cfded-1743-4720-957e-4d00f96c118e" height="279" src="/sites/default/files/files/images/oddbooks/madonna1.jpg" width="200" class="align-right" /></a>Those of you who read UK national newspapers in the early 1990s may remember the strange full-page adverts that appeared from time to time in the name of someone called Sister Marie, prophesying doom and cataclysm if its author's words were not heeded. Sister Marie claimed to have successfully predicted in 1986 that Halley's comet would explode in 1991 (which <a href="http://adsabs.harvard.edu/full/1991MNRAS.251P..26H">it did</a>), and that global extinction would occur if pornography was not banned immediately (which it didn't).</p> <p>As part of her campaign against worldly evils, Sister Marie (alias Sophia Marie Gabriel, alias Zoe Richmond) also published this enormous, copiously illustrated book documenting her visions and her attempts to publicise them. Its nearly 800 magazine-size glossy pages are filled with photographs, diatribes (all in uppercase) and reproductions of letters from the hard-pressed representatives of notables politely thanking her for her correspondence. She also includes much material relating to a series of disputes with the authorities, most notably her disturbing accusation that NHS staff deliberately starved her father to death while he was under their care in hospital.</p> <p>According to her own account, Sister Marie was born Zofia Sagatis in 1941 in Poland. From there her family fled the war, eventually reaching the UK in 1946. At the age of 9 she says she was greatly injured in a road accident which left her with what she calls a heart problem. At 14 she became a "mystic", after, as she puts it, "falling in love with God after a divine romance in the convent chapel" at her Catholic school in Leicester. Here's another passage which describes events closer in time to this publication:</p> <blockquote><p>THE VIRGIN MADONNA BEGAN TRANSMITTING IMPORTANT MESSAGES TO A MYSTIC IN LONDON SINCE 1981 SHE COMMANDED SOFIA MARIE GABRIEL TO RECORD ALL THE MESSAGES IN A WRITTEN DOCUMENT WHICH WAS THEN DISTRIBUTED TO ALL THE MAIN EMBASSIES AND NATIONAL NEWSPAPERS IN LONDON SINCE 1982.</p> <p><a href="/sites/default/files/files/images/oddbooks/madonna3.jpg" class="colorbox"><img align="right" alt="Halley&#039;s Comet" data-entity-type="file" data-entity-uuid="ed382e26-83ff-47bb-8b4d-70ad70c60137" height="273" src="/sites/default/files/files/images/oddbooks/madonna3.jpg" width="200" class="align-right" /></a>SOFIA MARIE GABRIEL IS A PLAIN-CLOTHES, RELIGIOUS SISTER, OR TERTIARY CARMELITE HER RELIGIOUS NAME IS SISTER MARIE GABRIEL. SHE LEADS THE LIFE Of A CONTEMPLATIVE SISTER, PRIVATELY. AT HOME, OUTSIDE THE CONVENT WALLS.</p> <p>THE ESSENCE OF THE VIRGIN MADONNA'S SERIOUS MESSAGE IS AS FOLLOWS; IT DEALS WITH GOD'S FINAL ULTIMATUM TO BRITAIN, EUROPE, USA AND ALL NATIONS! VIZ, COUNTRIES MUST DRASTICALLY AND IMMEDIATELY REDUCE ALL CRIME BY 85% AND DESTROY ALL TRACES OF PORNOGRAPHY OR MANKIND WILL FACE GLOBAL EXTINCTION BY A COSMIC COLLISION WITH A GIGANTIC FIREBALL ASTEROID VERY SOON. THE EXPLOSION AND ERUPTION OF HALEY'S COMET IS THE WARNING SIGN PRECEDING THE COSMIC PENALTY. THE VIRGIN MADONNA SAID GOD WILL WIPE OUT MANKIND ON ACCOUNT OF THE GROSS OBSCENITY OF WOMEN TODAY.</p> <p>THE VIRGIN MADONNA ORDERED SOFIA, A RELIGIOUS MYSTIC, TO BE HER MESSENGER, LIKE THE POPE JOHN PAUL II, SHE COMES FROM POLAND. SOFIA. KNOWN AS SISTER MARIE GABRIEL, WENT TO LOURDES TO THE GREAT HEALING SHRINE OF THE MADONNA IN FRANCE AND THERE THE VIRGIN MARY INSTRUCTED HER TO BE GOD'S MESSENGER AND TO MAKE KNOWN HIS FINAL MESSAGE TO ALL NATIONS AND GOVERNMENTS AT TOP SPEED.</p> <p><a href="/sites/default/files/files/images/oddbooks/madonna4_0.jpg" class="colorbox"><img align="right" alt="Sister Marie" data-entity-type="file" data-entity-uuid="6ee079c1-21bd-483c-8ef9-74c8b5cb45ad" height="272" src="/sites/default/files/files/images/oddbooks/madonna4_0.jpg" width="200" class="align-right" /></a>FOR OVER TEN YEARS SISTER MARIE HAS BEEN LIVING HIGH UP IN A TOWER BLOCK, NEAR QUEENS PARK, LONDON, WHERE THE VIRGIN MADONNA HAS APPEARED TO HER, AND WHERE CHRIST HIMSELF CAME IN A VISION AND ORDERED HER TO BE HIS AMBASSADOR AND MISSIONARY IN ENGLAND.</p> <p>SISTER MARIE HAS BEEN DELIVERING COPIES OF GOD'S WRITTEN ULTIMATUM RECORDED IN A MANUSCRIPT, TO ALL THE MAJOR EMBASSIES IN LONDON, RUSSIA, FRANCE, ITALY, SPAIN, GERMANY, POLAND AND SAUDI ARABIA ETC.</p> <p>ON 29TH NOVEMBER, 1990 TWO YEARS AGO, SISTER MARIE GABRIEL WENT TO THE RUSSIAN EMBASSY TO PERSONALLY HAND IN HER WRITTEN PREDICTION THAT HALEY'S COMET WOULD UNDERGO A MASSIVE COSMIC ERUPTION. THIS AMAZING FORECAST OF HERS CAME TRUE TWO MONTHS LATER WHEN ASTRONOMERS SAW HALEY EXPLODE ON 12 FEBRUARY 1991, EXACTLY AS SISTER MARIE HAD PREDICTED TO THE RUSSIAN EMBASSY. THE SOVIET AMBASSADOR'S SECRETARY SENT HER PREDICTIONS ABOUT HALEY'S COMET, TO THE SOVIET ACADEMY OF SCIENCES IN MOSCOW ON DECEMBER 1990. WHEN THE COMET ERUPTION CAME TRUE, IT PROVED SISTER MARIE CAN ACCURATELY FORECAST COSMIC EVENTS WELL AHEAD OF ALL ASTRONOMERS AND IN ADVANCE OF THE MOST POWERFUL TELESCOPES.</p> </blockquote> <p>In order to pay for the production of this book and the newspaper advertisements, it would seem that some mystery benefactor or benefactors gave her money which must have amounted to thousands of pounds. Sister Marie herself claimed to live in poverty, at one point giving vent to a lengthy complaint against the "sadists" of the DHSS (the Department of Health and Social Security, responsible for state benefits).</p> <p><a href="/sites/default/files/files/images/oddbooks/madonna2.jpg" class="colorbox"><img alt="LAW AND ORDER" data-entity-type="file" data-entity-uuid="e965240c-8eb8-45a8-aa6d-32ccf5c2f52b" height="525" src="/sites/default/files/files/images/oddbooks/madonna2.jpg" width="500" /></a></p> <p>Of course no volume of this nature would be complete without some terrible poetry, and you'd be disappointed if I failed to pass it on. So here's "PLEASE SAVE OUR WORLD", which I presume is meant to be read as a rap as it's addressed to the "kids":</p> <blockquote><p>LISTEN BOYS, LISTEN GIRLS<br /> WE'VE JUST GOT TO SAVE OUR WORLD,<br /> IT NEEDS HELP, IT NEEDS A CURE,<br /> IT NEEDS SALVATION AND THAT'S FOR SURE.</p> <p>WHAT ARE WE ALL GOING TO DO?<br /> LISTEN KIDS I'M TALKING TO YOU.<br /> WE'VE GOT TO SAVE OUR PLANET TODAY,<br /> WE'VE GOT TO HELP IT RIGHT AWAY.</p> <p>LET'S STOP ALL THE GREED,<br /> LET'S STOP ALL THE CRIME,<br /> LET'S STOP THE WARS WHILE THERE IS TIME.</p> <p>LET'S STOP ALL THE HUNGER,<br /> LET'S STOP ALL THE PAIN,<br /> LET'S STOP ALL THE TEARS THAT FALL LIKE RAIN.</p> <p>LET'S STOP ALL THE CHEATING,<br /> LET'S STOP ALL THE LYING,<br /> LET'S STOP ALL THE FIGHTING AND ALL THE CRYING.</p> <p>LET'S SAVE THE RAIN FORESTS,<br /> LET'S SAVE OUR FRESH AIR,<br /> LET'S SAVE THE OZONE LAYER THINNING UP THERE.</p> <p>LET'S STOP THE POLLUTION,<br /> FROM MILLIONS OF CARS,<br /> LET'S GIVE UP ALL SMOKING,<br /> THAT FILLS LUNGS WITH TAR.</p> <p>LET'S SAVE OUR OCEANS, RIVERS AND SEAS,<br /> LET'S SAVE OUR COUNTRYSIDE, MEADOWS AND TREES,<br /> STOP CRUELTY TO ANIMALS, STOP HUNTING FOR FURS.</p> <p>STOP ANIMAL EXPERIMENTS, WHICH POISON AND HURT.</p> <p>LET'S SAVE ALL THE ELEPHANTS,<br /> LET'S STOP IVORY'S TRADE,<br /> LET'S SAVE THE DOLPHINS AND THE WHALES<br /> GOD HAS MADE.</p> <p>LISTEN BOYS, LISTEN GIRLS<br /> WE'VE JUST GOT TO SAVE OUR WORLD,<br /> IT NEEDS HELP, IT NEEDS A CURE,<br /> IT NEEDS SALVATION AND THAT'S FOR SURE.</p> <p>WHAT ARE WE ALL GOING TO DO?<br /> LISTEN KIDS I'M TALKING TO YOU.<br /> WE'VE GOT TO SAVE OUR PLANET TODAY,<br /> WE'VE GOT TO HELP IT RIGHT AWAY.<br /> EARTH NEEDS LOVE, O LISTEN PLEASE,<br /> OUR WORLD NEEDS MERCY, TRUTH AND PEACE.</p> </blockquote> <p>I just hope the kids are prepared to listen, unlike Andrew Lloyd-Webber who mean-spiritedly would not even accept her generous gift of a gold-framed picture of Jesus Christ Superstar. Like so many others, he failed to recognise the strange woman on his doorstep as a holy messenger from God. Poor chap, he probably thought she was some kind of nut.</p> <p> <a href="/sites/default/files/files/images/oddbooks/madonna6.jpg" class="colorbox"><img alt="BUGGED BY MI5" data-entity-type="file" data-entity-uuid="d96137f4-8342-4c6d-bab5-7229a9167ee4" height="618" src="/sites/default/files/files/images/oddbooks/madonna6.jpg" width="500" /></a></p> <p> </p></div> <section class="comment-list"> <h2>Comments</h2> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header"> Leave a comment </div> <div class="card-body"> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderForm" arguments="0=node&amp;1=951&amp;2=comment_node_oddbook&amp;3=comment_node_oddbook" token="LkibmYlNEtQI-fgUBtWN3rplRdnGGtpkSbVD1chbw8I"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <article data-comment-user-id="0" id="comment-1507" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1315197493"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <span lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Anonymous (not verified)</span> on 05 Sep 2011 - 06:38</span> <a href="/comment/1507#comment-1507" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/1507#comment-1507" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">Interesting. I wonder if</a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body">Interesting. I wonder if Sister Marie is related to Alan Bennett's Lady in the Van?</div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=1507&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="jAlXcQ8ac_p72eXYb2XYhEhWJUyxQeO3fdJ6mvd9vhM"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> </footer> </article> <article data-comment-user-id="0" id="comment-1511" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1315749945"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <span lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">pseudonym (not verified)</span> on 11 Sep 2011 - 16:05</span> <a href="/comment/1511#comment-1511" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/1511#comment-1511" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">85% is so weirdly specific</a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body">85% is so weirdly specific and yet vague on what sort of crime, maybe this should be a question on the sociopath test but it seems to me the quickest way to bring about a sudden drop like that is to just legalize everything except murder and rape, which suggest that god is a libertarian</div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=1511&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="dAKR-RAoH_UGtmpC0NdHJLNE8LiMl-aU-avm5mBpBi0"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> </footer> </article> <article data-comment-user-id="0" id="comment-1628" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1326412371"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <span lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Anonymous (not verified)</span> on 13 Jan 2012 - 00:52</span> <a href="/comment/1628#comment-1628" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/1628#comment-1628" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">THIS WOMAN SYLVIA RICHMOND</a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body">THIS WOMAN SYLVIA RICHMOND ,SOFIA RICHMOND IS AN EVIL WOMAN AND HAS STOLEN MY THREE CATS .......SHE LOCKS THEM UP AND CALLS THEM HER STRAY CATS......DO YOU KNOW HOW I CAN GET MORE INFORMATION ON HER SHE IS CURRENTLY LIVING IN GLYNNEATH SOUTH WALES AND AM TRYING MY BEST TO EXPOSE HER .....SHE IS LIVING IN A HOUSE THAT SHE PAID CASH FOR AND HAS NO FRIENDS AND DOESNT SPEND A PENNY ON THE UPKEEP OF HER PROPERTY</div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=1628&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="6TZZ69sAh_u-wEkVkULxF_aqGEZGPazZINOIbmGv3og"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> </footer> </article> <article data-comment-user-id="0" id="comment-1629" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1326412373"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <span lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Anonymous (not verified)</span> on 13 Jan 2012 - 00:52</span> <a href="/comment/1629#comment-1629" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/1629#comment-1629" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">THIS WOMAN SYLVIA RICHMOND</a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body">THIS WOMAN SYLVIA RICHMOND ,SOFIA RICHMOND IS AN EVIL WOMAN AND HAS STOLEN MY THREE CATS .......SHE LOCKS THEM UP AND CALLS THEM HER STRAY CATS......DO YOU KNOW HOW I CAN GET MORE INFORMATION ON HER SHE IS CURRENTLY LIVING IN GLYNNEATH SOUTH WALES AND AM TRYING MY BEST TO EXPOSE HER .....SHE IS LIVING IN A HOUSE THAT SHE PAID CASH FOR AND HAS NO FRIENDS AND DOESNT SPEND A PENNY ON THE UPKEEP OF HER PROPERTY</div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=1629&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="EfX5IzVNmody2gx_QMfsMQf-F1gyJKOe4vPY9HYdWRI"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> </footer> </article> <div class="indented"><article data-comment-user-id="0" id="comment-1765" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1350594789"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <span lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">jack gielen (not verified)</span> on 18 Oct 2012 - 23:13</span> <a href="/comment/1765#comment-1765" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/1765#comment-1765" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">I had a vision of the Madonna</a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body"><p>I had a vision of the Madonna Light woman at marae marie on the way to Tauramanui.Since then there have been all kinds of coincidences in my life.The weather has gone all wrong, the world is upside down.I often wonder what the fourth sign of Fatima was.Was it the world and humanity destoying itself.Yours sincerely Jack Gielen</p> </div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=1765&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="xrOuBh6HxtPU3nh9PIqEpDLea7GK7C90rNr6Ss2Acto"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> <p class="visually-hidden">In reply to <a href="/comment/1629#comment-1629" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">THIS WOMAN SYLVIA RICHMOND</a> by <span lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Anonymous (not verified)</span></p> </footer> </article> </div><article data-comment-user-id="0" id="comment-47340" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1474675428"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <span lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Iain Bo Bo beans (not verified)</span> on 24 Sep 2016 - 02:03</span> <a href="/comment/47340#comment-47340" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/47340#comment-47340" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">I have had this book for many</a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body"><p>I have had this book for many years - it is one of my prized possessions. I think that graphically its surrealism is unparalleled. It is also a real opening-up of a really - well - unusual mind. It would be good for teaching students how to empathise with people who have a markedly different world-view. I keep rather disconcerting feeling when I read &#039;Visions&#039; - I open this vast book often - that she might be right about everything she says; as she was about the massive cosmic eruption of Haley&#039;s comet. As the Soviet Academy of Sciences will surely testify. If you are lucky enough to find a copy of this - rare as hens&#039; teeth - definitely buy it - a unique classic.</p> </div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=47340&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="FebgajyKnraqkIk-57lksAOj1iZjL13QpmYuCMblzOg"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> </footer> </article> <article data-comment-user-id="0" id="comment-53750" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1513985981"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <span lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Loes Modderman (not verified)</span> on 23 Dec 2017 - 00:39</span> <a href="/comment/53750#comment-53750" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/53750#comment-53750" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">I ordered the book, because I</a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body"><p>I ordered the book, because I love books from weird people. It&#039;s heavy, and her consequent use of capitals instead of normal print, her absolute belief in her own importance and the truth of her mission reminds me of the schizophrenic people I knew in the line of my work when they were the victim of a psychosis. But what intrigued me most is her dolls head, which is not human, a mask, plastic probably, carefully held with her hand under her chin and a scarf to prevent it falling off. What&#039;s under the mask, I wonder. The book is a treasure, nevertheless, from a woman who has all the answers straight from God, Maria, Jesus and the rest of the catholic universe. It must be a complicated existence.</p> </div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=53750&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="6Lcs7VO52QMoyE2LjZ8NLKFN3Vc0UvCtWZhZhvkn61Y"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> </footer> </article> <div class="indented"><article data-comment-user-id="1" id="comment-53764" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1514035851"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <span lang="" about="/users/alfred-armstrong" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Alfred Armstrong</span> on 23 Dec 2017 - 14:30</span> <a href="/comment/53764#comment-53764" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/53764#comment-53764" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">Yes, I wondered about the</a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body"><p>Yes, I wondered about the face and I think you are right. I should redo the pictures on this page, I think.</p> <p>Cheers, Alfred</p></div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=53764&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="qYuZFWj2We5G3yKePdb8D1zcIrJnbd9Hd3vNlAyil6A"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> <p class="visually-hidden">In reply to <a href="/comment/53750#comment-53750" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">I ordered the book, because I</a> by <span lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Loes Modderman (not verified)</span></p> </footer> </article> </div> </section> Sat, 02 May 2009 16:16:14 +0000 Alfred Armstrong 951 at http://oddbooks.co.uk The Animals and Birds Redeemed from Death http://oddbooks.co.uk/oddbooks/animals-and-birds-redeemed-death <span>The Animals and Birds Redeemed from Death</span> <span><span lang="" about="/users/alfred-armstrong" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Alfred Armstrong</span></span> <span>24 Aug 2008 - 19:36</span> <div class="oddbook__field-author d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Author(s)<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">A Carr</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-subtitle">Their Eternal Glory</div> <div class="oddbook__field-publisher d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Publisher<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">The Author, San Francisco</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-pubdate d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Edition / Year<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">1958</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-file-under d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> File under<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__items"> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/christianity" hreflang="en">Christianity</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/clerics" hreflang="en">clerics</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/spirits" hreflang="en">spirits</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/poetry" hreflang="en">poetry</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/dead-pets" hreflang="en">dead pets</a></span> </div> </div> <div class="oddbook__taxonomy-vocabulary-1 d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> In the section labelled<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/category/odd-books/religious-bent" hreflang="en">The Religious Bent</a></div> </div> <div class="oddbook__body"><p>Animal-lovers who are also Christians often find the Church doctrine that life after death is reserved for human beings an uncomfortable one. Surely in any Heaven worthy of the name little Snookums will be there, licking his celestial testicles in his transcendental basket?</p> <p>Such is the central idea of A Carr's little book; a heartfelt, though not altogether coherent, plea for the recognition of the rights of animals in this world as well as that beyond. While his or her argument may sometimes lack logic, who could fail to be swayed by the sentiment of lines such as these?</p> <blockquote><p>THE LITTLE BLACK DOG</p> <p>I wonder if Christ had a little black dog<br /> All curly and woolly like mine;<br /> With two long silk ears and a nose cold and wet,<br /> And two eyes, brown and tender, that shine.<br /> I'm sure if He had, that that little black dog<br /> Knew right from the first, He was God,<br /> That he needed no proof that Christ was divine,<br /> And just worshiped the ground where He trod.<br /> I'm afraid that He hadn't, because I have read<br /> How He prayed in the garden, alone;<br /> For all of His friends and disciples had fled—<br /> Even Peter, the one called a stone.<br /> And, Oh, I am sure that that little black dog,<br /> With a heart so tender and warm,<br /> Would never have left Him to suffer alone,<br /> But, creeping right under His arm,<br /> Would have licked the dear fingers, in agony clasped,<br /> And, counting all favors but loss,<br /> When they took Him away, would have trotted behind<br /> And followed Him quite to the cross.</p> </blockquote> <p>It's a thought, isn't it? Though, actually, for all we know Jesus might have been more of a cat person, or even a frog fancier. Perhaps He kept a solitary bee. Unlikely as it seems, there is insubstantial evidence to suggest the phrase "fisher of men" may have been a mediaeval mistranslation of "man of fish", meaning that He owned an aquarium.</p> <p>As well as speculating on the nature of Jesus's relationship with His Hypothetical Hound and the status of animals in the afterlife, Carr addresses the equally controversial topics of vivisection (bad) and vegetarianism (good). Throughout she/he maintains a consistent standard of argument, dragging in material from whatever source supports his/her position, including tales of the Buddha, Native American myths, and the Apocrypha. It does not seem to have occurred to him/her that citing such an admixture of sources, ones that disagree with one another on many fundamentals, hardly makes for a compelling case.</p> <p>However, I have to say that I do agree with her/him on the central issue: that if after death we persist then so do all the little fluffy bunnies, parasitical worms, poisonous snakes and cute koala bears; giant squid, sardines, penguins, parakeets, boobies and buzzards; wasps, whippets, woodpeckers and whitebait.</p> <p>What, though, of the other kingdoms of nature? What of mushrooms, maples, ferns, algae and lichen? Are they to be cast out of God's kingdom? May not the lowly hepatitis B virus or E. coli bacterium nestle in Abraham's bosom? Cannot their tiny voices, unheard in this world, at last be lifted in His eternal praise? I tell you, if it's not open to all I shan't be going: I feel so strongly about it, I'll just stay right here instead.</p></div> <section class="comment-list"> <h2>Comments</h2> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header"> Leave a comment </div> <div class="card-body"> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderForm" arguments="0=node&amp;1=940&amp;2=comment_node_oddbook&amp;3=comment_node_oddbook" token="rKoU-PacR0YWexcJ2NAHgAhfSfeEtn_t_RDzRqzEvmE"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <article data-comment-user-id="0" id="comment-68" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1219676648"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <span lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Anonymous (not verified)</span> on 25 Aug 2008 - 17:04</span> <a href="/comment/68#comment-68" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/68#comment-68" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">Hmmm. In the days of Darwin</a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body">Hmmm. In the days of Darwin being a new thing, wasn't the playtypus thought by many Christians to have been proof positive that God had a sense of humour? 'Licked the dear fingers, in agony clasped' will, I fear, stay with me for a long time... Ian Kearey</div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=68&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="RopRX_vu7b0lElQpE0uCTJeuIbqYB6S1jYEYLfNi2c8"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> </footer> </article> </section> Sun, 24 Aug 2008 17:36:43 +0000 Alfred Armstrong 940 at http://oddbooks.co.uk http://oddbooks.co.uk/oddbooks/animals-and-birds-redeemed-death#comments Hell and The Infernal Comedy http://oddbooks.co.uk/oddbooks/hell-and-infernal-comedy <span>Hell and The Infernal Comedy</span> <span><span lang="" about="/users/alfred-armstrong" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Alfred Armstrong</span></span> <span>04 May 2008 - 19:52</span> <div class="oddbook__field-author d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Author(s)<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">John Armstrong Chaloner</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-subtitle">Per a Spirit-Message Therefrom (Alleged)</div> <div class="oddbook__field-publisher d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Publisher<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">The Palmetto Press</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-pubdate d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Edition / Year<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">New Enlarged Edition, 1924</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-file-under d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> File under<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__items"> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/satan" hreflang="en">Satan</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/napoleon" hreflang="en">Napoleon</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/famous-names" hreflang="en">famous names</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/poetry" hreflang="en">poetry</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/spirits" hreflang="en">spirits</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/mediumship" hreflang="en">mediumship</a></span> </div> </div> <div class="oddbook__taxonomy-vocabulary-1 d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> In the section labelled<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/category/odd-books/ooh-spooky" hreflang="en">Ooh, Spooky</a></div> </div> <div class="oddbook__body"><p>The author, John Armstrong Chaloner (born Chanler), known as Archie to his friends, made frequent appearances in the American press of the early 20<sup>th</sup> century.  A member of the wealthy Astor family, he was married to another favourite of the gossip columns, the writer <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Am%C3%A9lie_Louise_Rives">Amélie Rives</a>. Chaloner was noted for his eccentricity and was for a while imprisoned as a lunatic; some recent commentators have suggested that he suffered from bipolar disorder.</p> <p>If you were seeking evidence of Chaloner's sanity, "Hell and The Infernal Comedy" would not be the place to look. Rambling, obsessive, incomprehensible, repetitious and far too long, it certainly seems to this inexpert observer to be the product of a disordered mind.</p> <p>The body of the book concerns a "spirit-message" transmitted via planchette from Chaloner's deceased friend Thomas Jefferson Miller ("Uncle Tom", as Chaloner refers to him), describing in detail the nature of the afterlife and Hell in particular. Unusually, Chaloner while presenting Miller's message in full states several times that he "does not believe a word of it". Rather, he reckons that Miller's supposed words were invented by him, Chaloner, unconsciously through a mysterious means he calls the "X-Faculty".</p> <p>Whether the message really came from Chaloner's dead friend or not, it seems to have worked on his imagination, as he repeats the substance of it several times in different guises, including the text of newspaper reports of his press conferences, such as this one:</p> <blockquote><p>HOW SATAN LOOKS</p> <p>John Armstrong Chaloner, the former husband of Amelie Rives, claims to have a sixteen-page typewritten interview in which a disembodied spirit describes Hades and the devil. His Satanic Majesty is described as of medium height and stocky build, with the face of Napoleon Bonaparte and habiliments like those of Michel Angelo's statue, "The Thinker" [sic - it is of course by Rodin]. According to Chaloner's report, Satan has no horns. The beef trust will not hail this news with joy. It will now be necessary to change all the labels on devilled ham.</p> <p>- Albany, N.Y., Press, August 7, 1912.</p> </blockquote> <p>(Devilled ham! Oh, my aching sides!)</p> <p>The actual transcript of the communication is of course reproduced. As well as a novel portrait of Hell and its principal inhabitant, it has other delights to offer, such as this piece of metaphysics:</p> <blockquote><p>The great Pythagoras was right in his doctrine of metempsychosis, or the transmigration of souls from man to man, woman to woman, and animals to men; vice versa, etc., etc. (You do surprise me) I thought I would. Thus a man called Brown may not be Brown man not at all, but only a negligible fraction of him: the real Brown being split up into fractions, and parcelled out into as many as a dozen men. Eventually all Brown will be gathered together into the soul of Brown - but it may take a thousand years. (There you surprise me again, Uncle alleged). I fancied I might, Archie. When St Paul spoke about ther dead being risen, he was correct; but not until their final incarnation has been accomplished - which may require a series of incarnations running through as many as ten centuries. I am Marshall Ney in his full perfection and completion of soul, which includes intellect, heart and physique.</p> </blockquote> <p> The interjections in parentheses are Chaloner talking to Miller (or himself). The reference to Marshall Ney may be understood if I explain that Miller claims that after death, through the process of reincarnation he describes, he has turned into Ney: having had in life merely "one-quarter of his personality".</p> <p>As Ney, Miller undergoes a series of literally hellish ordeals before being shown to his "home for years", a sort of monk's cell where he is destined to spend eternity in prayer. As he says, "life below decks has a very serious side to it. A side that bores all wordly [sic, for "worldly"] people to stupefaction".</p> <p>Imagine the joy of the reader when having read thus far he turns the page to find that Chaloner thought it would be a good idea to continue his theme in verse. This is "The Infernal Comedy", a sequence of sonnets a very long way after Dante, about the supposed fate in the afterlife of one of his clubland acquaintances. (In his introduction he proudly boasts that various reviews have acknowleged his verses to be in sonnet form , as though their structure were in itself an important achievement). Here's a passage where the unfortunate soul encounters a "mighty throng" of the damned, including some he'd known in earthly form:</p> <blockquote><p>The leaders by this time were near at hand,<br /> The faces of each he 'gan with vim to scan.<br /> He caught a chair -- or he had failed to stand --<br /> When he encountered that of the first man.<br /> It was a Judge of high and wide renown<br /> Learned and upright as a ramrod he<br /> Who seldom wore the dark Judicial frown<br /> For he was known for geniality<br /> Above the sod he'd known his Honour well<br /> And with him at the Club had oft played pool<br /> His horror hence at finding him in Hell<br /> And so cut up was something far from cool.<br /> The Judge gazed on him with an awful eye<br /> That seemed to say: 'Ask me not how or why'!</p> <p>Our friend -- whose tact was vast -- said not a word<br /> But bowed and smiled as he had been on earth.<br /> This in the Judge struck sympathetic chord --<br /> Of friendly manner had he ne'er shown dearth.<br /> Our friend then glanced beyond -- and wild amaze<br /> Did hold him rigid as a statue cold<br /> Whose fearful shock his nerve did nearly 'faze' --<br /> It was a Bishop -- if truth must be told!<br /> A Bishop in his Church -- Episcopal --<br /> Of fame so lily-white and sacrosanct<br /> That for an Angel he seemed formed as 'pal'<br /> And all who failed to worship were thought 'cranked.'<br /> 'What's coming next!' Our friend in horror thought<br /> 'Who'd ever thought his Rev'rence could be caught'!</p> </blockquote> <p>Note Chaloner's careless admixture of archaisms with slang, and his equally slapdash approach to rhythm and metre: it's rather like an amateur player of the crumhorn having a go at Dixieland jazz.</p> <p>Any determined reader who survives the tortures of these truly Satanic verses will still have only got halfway through the book; unbelievably, it gets even worse. Here's part of Chaloner's introduction to his "Second Spirit Message (Alleged) From Hell":</p> <blockquote><p>The romance of "Marmaduke Grantham" and "Lucile Sternold" -- placed between quotation marks because fictitious names, to conceal the alleged actual romance of actual Washingtonians recently deceased -- the romance of these charming personalities in the Land Beyond the Grave, fills the long-felt want --- allows the male or female novel-reader to luxuriate in surely the most resplendent dreams of satisfied love and satisfied ambition ever put to paper, and the writer is fully aware of the largeness of that preceding phrase. There is no shadow of conceit in the same, since the writer did not write the said romance -- it is strictly the production of his Subconsciousness -- named by him his X-Faculty, or Unknown Faculty. Being a Medium, according to so distinguished and honored an authority as the late William James, M. D., Professor of Psychology at Harvard University -- but at the same time, admitted by Professor James to be an utter disbeliever in Spiritualism -- and instead, charging up all his spiritualistic phenomena such as Automatic Writing, Automatic Speech, Trances and Trance-Like States, to the at-present utterly unknown, utterly Science-baffling force which produces what the Father of the X-Ray -- for without his invention there could be no X-Ray -- what the inventor of Crookes' Tubes -- what Sir William Crookes, in the Encyclopedia Britannica of 1911, terms most scientifically and succinctly: "percussion without impact" -- vulgarly known as "spirit rappings".</p> </blockquote> <p>Unfortunately Chaloner's X-Faculty is no less long-winded and fond of dashes than he is, and I fear that his "male and female novel-reader" ready to "luxuriate" in the "most resplendent dreams ... ever put to paper" may be rare creatures indeed. I shan't test your patience with the tedious details of the story of Marmaduke and Luclle and their afterlife love affair in the enclave of Valhalla, but here's a brief extract from its very welcome conclusion:</p> <blockquote><p>At that moment, Lucile saw appear before her -- on the usual spot -- a object which -- in spite of her heroic self-command -- forced a piercing scream from her. It was nothing less than a boa-constrictor, at least thirty feet long, which crawled determinedly -- and slowly -- towards her lover. Marmaduke this time began -- when the snake was within ten feet -- leaping -- six or more feet at a bound -- from side to side -- crouching low, shield held low, and sword raised as though to deliver -- for the first time -- instead of a thrust -- a blow. The snake slowly approached. When within three feet, it opened its cavernous jaws, emitting at the same time, a hiss like a steam whistle -- or rather like the escape of steam from the sides of a steam locomotive, just getting into motion. At the same time, it raised its head and the first yard or so of its length. Marmaduke at once delivered a swinging blow which -- to Lucile's unspeakable relief -- completely severed the reptile's head from its body. Marmaduke, his sword still in his hand, dashed down the line of the snake, cutting it into sections, six feet long -- each blow severing portions of the serpent asunder. When he had cut the snake up, it disappeared -- writhing hideously before it did so -- as had all his former adversaries. Once more he dried his trusty sword on the sand. Once more he turned to salute his lady-love. As he did so, a hidden chorus of female voices sang as follows:</p> <p>"Hero! Now thy foes are gone.<br /> Bravely hast thou fought the fight.<br /> Gaze upon the prize thou'st won.<br /> Rest thy soul in her delight."</p> </blockquote> <p>Marmaduke, had previously vanquished a rhinocerous and gorilla in much the same way and on the same ground. I suppose this sort of next world, in which the hero swings a big sword to get the girl, might appeal to fans of Conan the Barbarian, though I don't think Robert E. Howard would ever have named a warrior "Marmaduke" nor written such a domesticated exchange as the one that concludes Chaloner's tale:</p> <blockquote><p>"Marmaduke, did you ever conceive of anything to compare with the Arabian Night's magic of Valhalla?"</p> <p>"Never, my darling", replied Marmaduke.</p> </blockquote> <p>Yes, bloody combat with monstrous beasts is just peachy, my darling.</p> <p>Chaloner finishes off his exhausting tome with a couple of lectures he gave on the subject of his mediumistic experiences, the second of which includes the following curious little story in support of his views on the subconscious:</p> <blockquote><p>[After a visit to the cinema] The street was fairly well-lighted and I sauntered along fearing no evil. Just as I reached a certain spot opposite an exceedingly high stoop -- at least ten or fifteen feet in the air -- I felt my head turn involuntarily, sharply, to the right. I was about to turn my head voluntarily back again, when I found my gaze riveted upon one of the fattest women I have ever seen outside of a show. Now fat fascinates me -- I admit frankly that that falls under the head of a peculiarity -- but I cannot help it. I am so to speak -- "built that way". I love to look at a fat man, or a fat woman -- they say: "Nobody loves a fat man." I love a fat man -- to look at --and how much more a fat woman! Therefore, finding such a monstrously fine specimen with which to delight my eye -- I happened not to have seen a fat person for weeks -- my gaze -- as aforesaid became riveted -- became fixed. Now much as I like fat people, I do not allow my said idiosyncrasy to destroy my manners -- I do not stand still -- for instance -- and stare at the first fat man, or woman, I meet -- I walk on. Therefore I had no idea of stopping when I saw this lady of the embonpoint but -- on the contrary -- saw to it that my gait was -- if anything -- more brisk, and lively while looking at her, than before.</p> <p>Now here comes the tragic sequence to this comedy. The Subconscious, which had been lying in wait for me, for weeks and weeks, had chosen the spot well. Just a step or two beyond where it -- my Subconscious -- had shown me the fat lady -- of course the Subconscious knows the inside of our minds as familiarly as it does the interior of our bodies, and therefore it was well aware of my penchant for fat people, and chose the bait for for the hook with which it proposed to to bring me to land -- being me to the ground -- to be more exact -- just a step or two beyond where my Subconscious turned my head to the right -- as aforesaid -- the old-fashioned pavement -- of huge stone flags -- rose just one little inch and a half -- above the surrounding sidewalk. Therefore my brisker gait was my destruction: for my foor struck the inch, or inch and a half rise, and hurled me flat on my face -- I just had time to throw out my hands and save myself from a broken tooth, or a broken nose. But I cut my knee open and suffered great pain at the time.</p> </blockquote> <p>Clearly Chaloner was at the mercy of powerful forces beyond his control. Strangely he does not blame his Subconscious for making him write this exceedingly irksome book, even though it's a far greater error than stumbling in the street. Anyone who has read it will certainly know what "great pain" is.</p> <p>(Chaloner and Rives are the subject of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Archie-Amelie-Love-Madness-Gilded/dp/1400048524">a recent book</a>, should you want to learn more about this intriguing figure.)</p> <p> </p></div> <section class="comment-list"> <h2>Comments</h2> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header"> Leave a comment </div> <div class="card-body"> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderForm" arguments="0=node&amp;1=935&amp;2=comment_node_oddbook&amp;3=comment_node_oddbook" token="WlRjRcQTvAuYQj0ybT0ORlhNg3eHlgv8wpnKkVEtoEo"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <article data-comment-user-id="25" id="comment-45" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1210149400"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <span lang="" about="/users/francois-tremblay" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Francois Tremblay</span> on 07 May 2008 - 10:36</span> <a href="/comment/45#comment-45" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/45#comment-45" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">Ah, subconscious.</a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body">It's all the subconscious' fault, isn't it? Poor subconscious just gets no credit for the stuff it does, like regulating our temperature or breathing. It just gets blamed for us liking fat women and falling flat on the pavement because of it.</div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=45&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="cA5x7CJ4LAwaL2Po70hvBMb_Gg7BG-GztcF5XuZk0_A"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> </footer> </article> </section> Sun, 04 May 2008 17:52:55 +0000 Alfred Armstrong 935 at http://oddbooks.co.uk Fasting, Longevity and Immortality http://oddbooks.co.uk/oddbooks/cwjohnson.html <span>Fasting, Longevity and Immortality</span> <span><span lang="" about="/users/alfred-armstrong" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Alfred Armstrong</span></span> <span>29 Apr 2003 - 08:37</span> <div class="oddbook__field-author d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Author(s)<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">Charles W. Johnson, Jr,</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-publisher d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Publisher<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">The Author</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-pubdate d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Edition / Year<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">1978</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-file-under d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> File under<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__items"> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/eating" hreflang="en">eating</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/not-eating" hreflang="en">not eating</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/poetry" hreflang="en">poetry</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/ghosts" hreflang="en">ghosts</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/ufos" hreflang="en">UFOs</a></span> </div> </div> <div class="oddbook__taxonomy-vocabulary-1 d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> In the section labelled<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/category/odd-books/lone-voices" hreflang="en">Lone Voices</a></div> </div> <div class="oddbook__body"><p><a href="/sites/default/files/files/images/oddbooks/cwjohnson.jpg" class="colorbox"><img align="right" alt="The author looking skeletal at the end of a 49-day fast in 1973" height="436" src="/sites/default/files/files/images/oddbooks/cwjohnson.jpg" data-entity-uuid="7029c80b-7fbf-4c6a-8506-133f31b7cfef" data-entity-type="file" class="align-right align-right" width="262" /></a></p> <p>This rather dull-looking paperback book is actually a little gem of oddball literature, with many delights lurking between its covers. It was intended by Johnson that it should promote fasting as a spiritual discipline, with benefits both to body and soul, but he made his case in such an unusual way that it seems hard to believe he won many converts.</p> <h2> “My back started itching...”</h2> <p>After a short and misleadingly rational introduction in which he argued for more research into a neglected subject, followed by a somewhat pointless survey of references to fasting in the Bible, comes his account of his life's journey through fasting, in which - displaying the same dedication to the unvarnished truth as did Boswell in recording his sexual adventures, or De Quincy his experiences of opium addiction - he painstakingly related his dietary experiments:-</p> <blockquote><p>My notes indicate that I took four enemas during this fast and that in three of these I had trouble getting water past the sigmoid flexure. (The best procedure here, I believe, is not to apply pressure. Just wait, or quit.) After only a few days of fasting, my back started itching and shortly thereafter a rash appeared, as in some previous and subsequent fasts. Within two weeks I had very dry mouth sensations, but I was not thirsty! I had weak cold symptoms at the start of the fast, including the “almost” sore throat that seems to be a consistent part of much of my fasting experience. At the end of eleven days I reported feeling vicious and vengeful for a couple of days. On the 23rd day I gargled with salt and baking soda in hot water, for a bad sore throat. Two days later I had a good deal of mucous in nose and throat, but the cold, if such it was, seemed remarkably unbothersome and short-lived. I had some urinating trouble - a common problem in fasting for some people, but a new problem in my fasting experience. In another two days I had laryngitis for three days. This was the first time I had had laryngitis in my whole life, so the psychological impact was somewhat annoying, but again I want to emphasize that my mental attitude toward all physical problems was much more relaxed and tranquil than would have been the case had I been eating. I am stressing these possible physical expenences and disturbances of fasting simply for the reader's maximum edification and possible preparation.</p> </blockquote> <p>This exhausting narrative is continued for many pages. Though at one point it is enlivened by the description of how he was briefly incarcerated in a mental hospital, most of his chronicle concerns his minor physical symptoms and the supposedly beneficial occurrence of <a href="http://skepdic.com/alphawaves.html">Alpha waves</a>. The overall effect on the reader is like being stuck in a lift with a talkative hypochondriac.</p> <h2> “A point in favor of enemas?”</h2> <p>Johnson's talents as a bore were not limited to the subject of his own person. He had read a lot of books about fasting and in the next section he attempted to pass on some of what he had learned. Unfortunately, instead of setting out a reasoned analysis illustrated with passages from his reading, he seems to have felt his rough notes were interesting enough in themselves, so that we are faced with page upon page of stuff like this:-</p> <blockquote><p>Page 53 points up the importance of the liver in expelling foreign matter from the body. (This should again remind us of the importance of judicious eating when first breaking a fast and when the liver is very reduced in size.) Page 55 points out that constipation impairs liver function. (A point in favor of enemas during the fast? On the same page we are told that a mucous discharge from the bowels, after 3-4 weeks of fasting indicates the near end of the fast.)</p> </blockquote> <p>You might very reasonably at this point cast the book aside with a vile expletive, but you would then miss out on its first real treasure, a chapter entitled “Fasting and Immortality Speculations” in which Johnson propounds his theories about why fasting is a good thing.</p> <h2> “Tapping our mass-interacting psychic field”</h2> <p>According to Johnson's analysis, the Parasympathetic Autonomous Nervous System (PANS), the part of our nervous system responsible for relaxation and digestion,</p> <blockquote><p>tends to dominate when the “positive” or good or God-related emotions are prevailing</p> </blockquote> <p>whereas the Sympathetic Autonomous Nervous System (SANS), which is the part relating to fight or flight responses, is associated with negative emotions and thus <em>evil</em>. Fasting, by lightening the load on the (good) PANS, allows it to dominate the (bad) SANS and thus helps God to defeat the devil.</p> <p>After a discussion of various food fads, in which he suggests that the Romans of today are not as world-domineering as their Imperial forefathers because they eat pasta with tomato sauce, he finally comes to the question of longevity and immortality. Is - as some authors propose - maintaining an acid urine the answer? He is not sure. But he has another hypothesis entirely his own: according to his reasoning, immortality requires a psychic field from which the requisite energy to support it can be drawn:</p> <blockquote><p>Within the framework of modern theoretical physics, we have a very anomalous force with which to deal. It is the force we call gravity. To fit neatly into an otherwise symmetric picture that the force fields of physics give us, gravity badly needs an interacting force field. ... Is it not convenient then that we have this other loose end, psychic energy, and the mysterious energy sometimes manifest in fasting to fill this void?</p> </blockquote> <p>So the psychic field completes the symmetry by being the counterpart to gravity. Of course that must mean that the two forces must be able to exchange energy just as the electric and magnetic fields do, so:</p> <blockquote><p>... in fasting we are reducing our gravitational mass and, in the process, tapping extra energy from our mass-interacting psychic field.</p> </blockquote> <p>All those fat psychics must be frauds, then - and presumably to achieve true immortality you must starve yourself to death.</p> <h2> “A UFO instead of a child”</h2> <p>Thankfully, Johnson did not entirely confine himself to the topic of fasting, for if he had we might have been denied his compelling explanation of the UFO phenomenon:</p> <blockquote><p>Now let us note, for its possible <em>symbolic</em> significance, that “entities” in the spirit world, awaiting reincarnation, testify that they search out ideal parents to further their Karmic development. If a “discarnate spirit” found such ideal parents, but was foiled in its efforts at rebirth by birth control practices, could this situation produce a “ghost” before the beginning of life? Having no actual body form, could such manifestations be the “lights” of more primitive UFO's? These could sometimes evolve into mechanical shapes through man's creative thinking abilities. Since I personally doubt the validity of actual reincarnation, I have to offer the preceding as a strictly “symbolic” rationalization, based on the storehouse of reincarnation, UFO, and apparition data that exists in mankind's collective subconscious mind. Thus a couple, feeling guilt about their birth control practice, might draw upon this symbolism to produce the unhealthy alternate creative manifestation, a UFO, instead of a child.</p> </blockquote> <p>Which explains why traditionally in bad movies the alien invaders are first witnessed by courting couples making out in the back of cars. Across the empty vastness of space they hear the siren call of the condom-captive sperm!</p> <h2> “Beware of mass-gravity”</h2> <p>The best is saved for last: at the end of the book, after some pictures of the author in various stages of emaciation, is an Appendix titled “Fasting-Inspired Poetry”, whose contents he kindly placed in the public domain in order that the world might freely enjoy the fruits of his muse. And what a poetic gift is here displayed! Poems not just about fasting, but about beards, bicycles and breast-feeding, many of which can be sung to popular tunes. Here are two of his choicest lyrics, which demonstrate his touch both for meter and meaning.</p> <h3> The Trinity of God</h3> <blockquote><p>Let us suppose that God is pantheistic,<br />     Embracing all there is to be or know;<br /> And even though it seems not altruistic,<br />     Let symbols help our intellect to grow.<br /> Can we surmise a three-fold God, in one.<br />     A force that's free from time and space-like bounds,<br /> Relate this force to physics now well done.<br />     Explain this force on these familiar grounds?</p> <p>We know our world is electromagnetic,<br />     With gravity thrown in to more confuse.<br /> We won't fail to note, or here forget it,<br />     We claim a psychic force there's yet to choose.<br /> Gravito-psychic we call these latter,<br />     They finish out the fields we hope to use.<br /> It shows us the spirit, and the matter<br /> One, or the other, we must always lose.</p> <p>Electric, creating, Father, our King,<br />     Magnetic, redeeming, Son and our Lord,<br /> Psychic Holy Spirit, now new, we bring<br />     And the three together make up the Word.<br /> Gravity's left, with the mass it entails,<br />     A prisoner of time and space, quite unreal,<br /> A fallen force, like the devil, it trails<br /> Behind the Trinity, but trying to steal.</p> <p>Symbolically done, the Trinity's true,<br />     It reflects the true world that exists;<br /> The world of the spirit, where mass can't go,<br />     (And that's) no matter how hard it persists.<br /> I hope this has helped explain Trinity,<br />     The E-M and psi fields together,<br /> And warned you beware of mass-gravity,<br />     For spiritual man it's a (devil's) tether.</p> </blockquote> <h3> A Beard</h3> <p>(Can be sung to the tune of “Golden Wildwood Flower”)</p> <blockquote><p>A Beard should be grown by a boy, when he can.<br /> When the Beard is full-grown, it will show he's a man.<br /> The Beard is a part of the Almighty's plan,<br /> So grow a Beard if you think that you can.</p> <p>It will always be there to pillow your sleep.<br /> It will be there to hide in whenever you weep.<br /> It will shelter your face through the thick and the deep,<br /> And show the world that your style's not asleep.</p> <p>A Beard will protect you from cold and from heat.<br /> It keeps out the rain and the snow and the sleet.<br /> Good folk your bearded image will greet,<br /> But from the “old-fashioned” you may take some “heat”.</p> <p>A Beard is the style set by Lincoln and Christ.<br /> It will last through the ages and can't be out-priced.<br /> If to evil living you can't be enticed,<br /> A Beard may give you the Image of Christ.</p> </blockquote></div> <section class="comment-list"> <h2>Comments</h2> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header"> Leave a comment </div> <div class="card-body"> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderForm" arguments="0=node&amp;1=90&amp;2=comment_node_oddbook&amp;3=comment_node_oddbook" token="-E9pNyqgNBilI4Cx2UQQDZM4wkrC1v046wy57fIu37c"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> </section> Tue, 29 Apr 2003 06:37:27 +0000 Alfred Armstrong 90 at http://oddbooks.co.uk http://oddbooks.co.uk/oddbooks/cwjohnson.html#comments Choice Poems http://oddbooks.co.uk/oddbooks/beard.html <span>Choice Poems</span> <span><span lang="" about="/users/alfred-armstrong" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Alfred Armstrong</span></span> <span>29 Apr 2003 - 08:31</span> <div class="oddbook__field-author d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Author(s)<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">Alexander B. Beard</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-publisher d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Publisher<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">The Author</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-pubdate d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> Edition / Year<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item">1900</div> </div> <div class="oddbook__field-file-under d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> File under<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__items"> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/poetry" hreflang="en">poetry</a></span> <span class="field__item"><a href="/category/file-under/violent-death" hreflang="en">violent death</a></span> </div> </div> <div class="oddbook__taxonomy-vocabulary-1 d-flex"> <div class="field__label font-weight-bold"> In the section labelled<span class="field__label__suffix mr-1">:</span> </div> <div class="field__item"><a href="/category/odd-books/rancid-rhymes" hreflang="en">Rancid Rhymes</a></div> </div> <div class="oddbook__body"><p><a href="/sites/default/files/files/images/oddbooks/beard.gif" class="colorbox"><img align="right" alt="Choice Poems, composed by Alexander B. Beard" height="295" src="/sites/default/files/files/images/oddbooks/beard.gif" data-entity-uuid="282529c1-5aae-47f8-93e5-025e4aaa5ee8" data-entity-type="file" class="align-right align-right" width="200" /></a></p> <p>Connoisseurs of bad verse will know of <a href="/amanda/">Amanda McKittrick Ros</a>, <a href="http://www.wmich.edu/english/txt/Moore/">Julia Moore</a> or <a href="http://www.mcgonagall-online.org.uk/">William McGonagall</a>, but how many have heard of Alexander B. Beard? Though he may have been forgotten for a century his work surely does not deserve such neglect.</p> <p>Beard was born in Maine in 1852, one of seven children. His formal education was limited to a single year of school. As an adult, now living in New Hampshire, he worked at various menial jobs including a spell at the Amoskeag Mills, where he first discovered his talent for poetry. As the mill work was proving ruinous to his already poor health he decided to quit his job and take to the road, travelling from town to town selling his verses.</p> <p>'Choice Poems' is one of the volumes he used to sell (priced at 15 cents), a hand-sewn pamphlet containing twenty-seven pieces of verse. Most are about death in some form: disasters, fatal illnesses or homicides - all subjects popular with the great artists of doggerel - here used by Beard to make subtle moral points. Although he was not in the first rank of bad poets he displayed a notable capability for bathos, and surely only one possessed of a rare inspiration could have written a line like:</p> <blockquote><p>Within the shops of Meriden they manufacture combs</p> </blockquote> <p>or the couplet:</p> <blockquote><p>Other buildings around in that region,<br /> Some badly, some slightly were burned.</p> </blockquote> <p>Here then is a small selection of the best of his verses, issued in the expectation that, as he says in his preface, “they will be pleasing to all who read them”.</p> <h2> The Crimes of Thomas W. Piper</h2> <blockquote><p>I'll now begin in my brief way, and of Tom Piper tell;<br /> For human blood his thirst was great, like a demon sent from hell;<br /> His poor old mother's heart is broke, his friends are in distress,<br /> For they have heard that bloody tale which Piper did confess.</p> <p>He was sexton of the church and feigned to love his God;<br /> Yet a greater hypocrite than he has never this earth trod.<br /> His crimes cannot be well described by any pen or tongue;<br /> But worst of all was when he killed poor little Mabel Young.</p> <p>This innocent and prattling child Tom Piper he did see;<br /> He said within his wicked heart, my victim she shall be;<br /> So he enticed her to the church, he saw the coast was clear,<br /> He sent her up the belfry stairs and followed in the rear.</p> <p>There, with a ball bat in his hand, he struck her on her head;<br /> He dealt a second fiercer blow e'er Mabel Young was dead.<br /> He then locked up the tower door and staggered down the stairs.<br /> To cover up his guilty act a story he prepares.</p> <p>He told a tale quite glib and smooth as any lie could be;<br /> He thought he would be well believed and go from justice free.<br /> But God who saw him strike that blow reach'd down a mighty hand;<br /> Suspicion soon on Piper fell and brought him to a stand.</p> <p>Soon he was in the Criminal Court, before the Judge was tried,<br /> There to the face of God and man his wickedness he denied.<br /> In spite of all that he could say and of his counsel's plea,<br /> That he was guilty of that crime the jury did agree.</p> <p>And so the Judge the sentence passed that Piper should be hung,<br /> Thus suffer for that awful crime of killing Mabel Young;<br /> And when he saw that hope was past, confession then he made.<br /> Two maidens he had slain before and one he had betrayed.</p> <p>Oh fiend, to kill a prattling child who never had done harm;<br /> And fool to think you could escape Jehovah's mighty arm.<br /> Let all who read these few short lines from your humble servant's pen<br /> Reflect that God who reigns above, deals justice to all men.</p> </blockquote> <h2> The Great Boiler Explosion at Hodge's</h2> <blockquote><p>Took place in Manchester, N.H., May 8, 1888.</p> <p>My story is appalling as everyone will say,<br /> 'Tis of events that happened one sunny morn in May;<br /> At Hodge's shop, on Elm Street, the working hour drew near,<br /> Just then a loud explosion reached every listening ear.</p> <p>Out from the bursting boiler in many a scalding stream,<br /> All through the ruined building there rushed the hissing steam.<br /> It threw the debris skyward like a cyclone of the west,<br /> On an errand of destruction and bound to do its best.</p> <p>Some dwellings were demolished by the iron hurled afar,<br /> And in the valley graveyard some tombstones it did scar.<br /> The work of devastation had apparently no bounds,<br /> A few good faithful workmen received some fearful wounds</p> <p>The case of Hardy Atwood I briefly will relate,<br /> Though words fail to describe it or William Tyler's fate.<br /> They found poor William Tyler, his crushed and bruised remains.<br /> Wedged in among the fragments, wide scattered were his brains.</p> <p>But Atwood he was living, though life was ebbing fast,<br /> And scarcely was he rescued ere he had breathed his last.<br /> Life is at best uncertain, yet few there are that think,<br /> Of death, though seeming distant, we stand upon its brink.</p> <p>But then our Heavenly Father, He knows about the whole,<br /> He loves his erring children, He cares for every soul.<br /> Let every breathing mortal for the day of death prepare,<br /> And of procrastination, dear brother do beware.</p> </blockquote> <h2> The Nutmeg State</h2> <blockquote><p>Let's speak of old Conecticut, 'tis called the Nutmeg State,<br /> Ev'ry kind of Yankee notion its workshops do create:<br /> From Waterbury we will start, where watches fine are made,<br /> Then visit both the Capitals, large cities of brisk trade.</p> <p>First Hartford with its iron works, none better so they say;<br /> Then at New Haven let us call and view New Haven Bay;<br /> Cromwell's marble works we'll now remark, and of its sculptors speak,<br /> Surpassing those of ancient days, the Roman or the Greek.</p> <p>Then Bridgeport with its foundries great, near the golden hill is found;<br /> New London is a seaport town, close by Long Island Sound;<br /> Within the shops of Meriden they manufacture combs,<br /> Its organ and piano works give life to many homes.</p> <p>The woollen mills of Norwalk and of Middleton likewise,<br /> And the Willimantic thread works, we ne'er should fail to prize,<br /> New Britain it can ever boast of its finest works in brass;<br /> A word for Danbury hat shops as through the state we pass.</p> <p>Other villages and places, with deep regret I slight,<br /> They are far too many for my poor pen to write;<br /> Collectively I'll praise them, though I should mention all,<br /> 'Twould swell into a volume, this poem brief and small.</p> <p>Of its Puritanic people, we truthfully can say,<br /> That they most strict and faithful keep the holy Sabbath day;<br /> Its inhabitants still honor the state wherein they dwell,<br /> And so to old Connecticut, we'll bid a long farewell.</p> </blockquote> <h2> The Great Conflagration at Dover, N.H.</h2> <blockquote><p>Happened March 22, 1889</p> <p>Kind friends will you listen a moment<br /> To the tale which I have for to tell,<br /> Of the great conflagration at Dover,<br /> 'Though many do know it quite well.<br /> The people one morning were startled<br /> By the firebell's fearful loud clang,<br /> To see what had caused the commotion,<br /> To the doorways and windows they sprang.<br /> 'Twas long ere the hour of daylight,<br /> The sun was not yet in the sky;<br /> But darkness was banished from Dover<br /> By the flames streaming brightly on high,<br /> Police Station, City Hall and Court House<br /> In charred smoking ruins were lain;<br /> Those three I have named were one building<br /> I would to all strangers explain.<br /> The burning of valuable papers<br /> Was felt the most keenly of all,<br /> 'Though the loss unto Dover was dreadful,<br /> Were it only there old City Hall.<br /> On a church both the roof and the steeple,<br /> To ashes were speedily turned.<br /> Other buildings around in that region,<br /> Some badly, some slightly were burned.<br /> Through it all went fireman Hanna,<br /> Midst the danger he bravely did work,<br /> No thought had he for a moment,<br /> One bit of his duty to shirk.<br /> But alas for our plans or our prospects,<br /> So it proved in that fireman's case.<br /> The bricks were there falling like hailstones,<br /> One shattered a bone in his face.<br /> James Varney he also was injured<br /> By timber which fell on his neck.<br /> Dave Hammond, the foreman, brave fellow<br /> Had his foot badly crushed in the wreck.<br /> The wounds of those brave men were many,<br /> While striving their duty to do;<br /> I can't give them all in full detail,<br /> So I briefly have mentioned a few.<br /> Their efforts would all have succeeded<br /> But for their scant water supply:<br /> Their tanks gave out unexpected<br /> Until everyone was quite dry.<br /> No soldier ere won better laurels,<br /> Though fighting his country to save;<br /> So flowers I think should be planted<br /> Above every fireman's grave.<br /> But do not forget this, dear reader,<br /> While under the chastening rod,<br /> That no lives were lost at that fire,<br /> And 'twas through the mercy of God.</p> </blockquote></div> <section class="comment-list"> <h2>Comments</h2> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header"> Leave a comment </div> <div class="card-body"> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderForm" arguments="0=node&amp;1=82&amp;2=comment_node_oddbook&amp;3=comment_node_oddbook" token="zCPtx96hqkBnjFIRgd1_7uELLHk-OEuYyPZjVKaI2Ew"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <article data-comment-user-id="0" id="comment-99" class="js-comment mb-4"> <mark class="hidden" data-comment-timestamp="1227644152"></mark> <div class="row"> <div class="col-md-10"> <div class="card"> <div class="card-header d-flex justify-content-between"> <span>Submitted by <span lang="" typeof="schema:Person" property="schema:name" datatype="">Anonymous (not verified)</span> on 25 Nov 2008 - 21:15</span> <a href="/comment/99#comment-99" hreflang="und">Permalink</a> </div> <div class="card-body"> <h3 class="visually-hidden"><a href="/comment/99#comment-99" class="permalink" rel="bookmark" hreflang="und">cool poems</a></h3> <div class="comment-node-oddbook__comment-body">cool poems</div> <drupal-render-placeholder callback="comment.lazy_builders:renderLinks" arguments="0=99&amp;1=default&amp;2=und&amp;3=" token="coPfcRWBPmK42hV1ZwKEfaSTT7VoI9Qs36TDReCYouE"></drupal-render-placeholder> </div> </div> </div> </div> <footer> </footer> </article> </section> Tue, 29 Apr 2003 06:31:13 +0000 Alfred Armstrong 82 at http://oddbooks.co.uk http://oddbooks.co.uk/oddbooks/beard.html#comments