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How to Live with a Bitch

George Leonard Herter
The Author
Edition / Year:
In the section labelled:

How to Live with a BitchWhat a title, eh? Sadly it isn't quite the full-on male chauvinist rant one might hope for: rather, Herter comes across as a cranky old geezer, possessed of numerous largely reactionary opinions which he unfortunately feels driven to express.

One of the eternal follies of old age is the delusion that you have a duty to record your insights into the nature of humanity before you perish, overlooking the fact that they are already common currency in every bar or taxicab in the world. In this respect, Herter is somewhat out of the common in that one might have to visit as many as three drinking establishments in a large town before finding his equal.

 "I wrote this book to show that husbands and wives have a very difficult time of getting along", he states in his very brief introduction, incongruously placed beneath the book's copyright notice. On the evidence of this volume, in Herter's own marriage this difficulty may be intensified if at home he is as prone to enunciate his strong ideas - on such subjects as sex education (good), birth control (bad), psychiatry (very bad), the national debt (bad), God (very good), opinion polls (bad) - as often and at such length as in the book.

As well as these fascinating byways, Herter stays on topic long enough to give us two whole chapters on the subject of marriage, in which we learn, for example, that:

A girl more intelligent than yourself that will not play the role of being equally or less intelligent than you is a loser for the long pull.


In Asia or the East as it is sometimes referred to, women are for the most part brought up to be submissive to men. Divorce is rare, I have talked to many of these women and in no case have found them unhappy with their lot.

(Mr Herter is just the sort that women confide in, so I'm sure we can trust his judgement).

His chapter on how to prevent divorce also informs us that nuclear reactors are very dangerous, and that men should not wear long hair. It also supplies this insight:

I am for progress to a degree but as yet have not become used to automobiles. I still prefer horses, say nothing about travelling in space ships.

The book is capped off nicely with an example of a form popular with self-published authors, a political allegory which demonstrates how simply the world could be put to rights if only humanity would come to recognise the sheer common sense of the author's views. In Herter's story a war hero with the transparent name of Paul Neetriht becomes President and establishes a supposedly benevolent form of dictatorship, with low taxes, no foreign aid and an interesting approach to dissent:

Paul quietly got the athiests and birth selectors out of public office and government control. No one was hurt, they were just gotten out and they knew better than to make a fuss.

Yes, that's democracy, folks.

We are not given any indication of what Herter's wife might have thought about his writings, though I doubt she was flattered by its title. Hopefully, she was inspired to write her own book in response, called perhaps "How to Live With a Bore (While Pretending to be More of an Idiot Than He Is)".


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Submitted by Richard (not verified) on 24 Jan 2011 - 03:35 Permalink

'Marriage Counselors, The kindest thing about marriage counselors is to say as little as possible as it is all bad. Marriage counselors try their best to make a living trying to tell people how to solve problems that they cannot solve. The very best marriage co9unselors are not as good as the average witch doctor. Actually, no one can solve your own marriage problems but you and your wife. It is very difficult and next to impossible to honestly and accurately tell or explain some of these problems to anyone. The person you tell them to may use highly questionable statistics to try to solve your problems. If he is honest, he will tell you that your chances of making these problems worse by trying to have an outsider solve them are great. He will warn you against bringing in relatives and neighbors to solve marital problems. Whether a priest or minister can solve any part of your marriage problems, depends to a large degree on the faith that you have in your particular religion and your religious laws regarding marriage and divorce. A priest or minister will usually do his best to help you solve marriage problems but you cannot expect them to be magicians. At present they both have plenty of their own problems that they cannot solve." Just very practical common sense advice - what is the harm in that????

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Submitted by George Herter (not verified) on 30 Jan 2018 - 22:58 Permalink

What? "Nice one"? Is that the best you can do? All that and you come up with "nice one"???? Nice one what? Would you are to at least try to add some substance to that limp and useless comment? Some small meager content for those of us out here in E-land who at least try to get some meaning for the meaninglessness of the internet population liek you who seem to think a few words meaningless words actually adds something to the vast nothingness?

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on 05 Apr 2009 - 23:31 Permalink

Alternate Title Suggestion: Love And Marriage - Together Like A Horse And Spaceship
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on 24 Jan 2011 - 03:26 Permalink

This book is well worth $100, just for the read and to hear a perspective of life that has become illicit in the post modern world. Men used to be allowed to speak their opinions and people could listen or not. This was written when we still had free speech, and is as classic as Mark Twain.
Submitted by George Herter (not verified) on 30 Jan 2018 - 21:54 Permalink

Twit says you? Twerp say I!!! From my reading of the internet it is just electronic hokum. No one says anything new, had any real insight - they just repeat tired worn out phrases from every other not wit they have read. And they do it with anonymity far removed from any repercussions. At least I put my real name on my writing and was available in person fro anyone who wanted to call me out on anything I wrote.

George L. Herter.

Submitted by George Herter (not verified) on 30 Jan 2018 - 22:50 Permalink


Get yourself a vibrator. There are many women who don't seem to be able to snicker without some help....

Submitted by George Herter (not verified) on 30 Jan 2018 - 22:53 Permalink

Or like Anonymous and a brain.... With the thoughts you'd be thinkin' you could be another Lincoln, if you only had a brain.

Submitted by George Herter (not verified) on 30 Jan 2018 - 23:01 Permalink

What? What? Do YOU really think this sort of thing makes some sense? Because it doesn't. With comments like these, I'd hide behind a moniker like anonymous too...

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on 13 Apr 2009 - 09:30 Permalink

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on 03 Dec 2009 - 17:58 Permalink

But why oh why oh why do you live with her? Have you gone through lobotomy? Whatever you say of her makes one think you're ten times worse at all statements. Move you moron!
Submitted by George Herter (not verified) on 30 Jan 2018 - 21:58 Permalink

You hurt my feelings you mean person... I would do as you apparently would do - Run away! Hide under the bed! Move out. But I'm afraid you would have already taken all the good places.... or that I might actually run into you wherever I go. Far safer to live with the bitch...

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on 14 Apr 2009 - 14:12 Permalink

Sounds like a real gent. According to wikipedia (I know, not necessarily a completely reliable source) Mr Herter wrote several other books, most famously "Bull Cook and Authentic Historical Recipes and Practices (3 volumes)", "How to Get Out of the Rat Race and Live On $10 a Month" and, remarkably, "George the Housewife ". His wife was called Berthe, apparently. but "Berthe Herter" sounds too good to be true.
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on 09 Jun 2009 - 09:22 Permalink

I loved that title. Majority of women are like that, controlling freaks if they can,,,, hahahaaahahhahaha Only exceptions are the women in the muslim world I guess. Their husbands fuck ton of other bitches , and they live with each other like sisters without complaining. I love that......
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on 30 Oct 2009 - 03:19 Permalink

I like to go fishing sometimes for peace and quiet.When i fish,we drift the boat.To slow it down we used what is called a "drouge". Its nickname is "The wife" because it slows you down! My bitch gets jealous if i enjoy myself and thinks she can should decide what i do.Just because she has no interests or hobbies that she finds fun.Control freak. I have had a few relationships in my time and there have been some common traits= 1.women dont like the word "No"....You are in for a big arguement if you use this word. 2.They remember all past nasties you have ever done to them(memory like an elephant) to dig up for future ammunition should you have a row. 3.They dont care if you are happy or not and want your attention all the time. 4.A lot of women are takers and not givers. 5.Mine is totally lazy and does nothing to help.Looks after herself.
Submitted by Alfred Armstrong on 30 Oct 2009 - 12:31 Permalink

How an earth could any woman be unhappy when she has you to share her life with with, what with you being so generous, good-hearted and witty to boot? Astonishing!

Submitted by Serah (not verified) on 06 Jan 2011 - 17:08 Permalink

Sounds like you need to be married to someone like me... I am the polar opposite of what you described, and I truly feel sorry for the women who are as you described. They are missing out on a world of love and appreciation by treating their spouse no better than an animal. Yes there ARE good women out there who really know how to love a man. Maybe you will find one..... Blessings.... Serah
Submitted by George Herter (not verified) on 30 Jan 2018 - 22:03 Permalink

Sounds like a KEEPER!!! just let me know the next time she lets you borow your alls for a few hours so we can get some fishing in... If you had my book you wouldn't have this problem!

George L. Herter.

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on 03 Dec 2009 - 18:01 Permalink

After reading the comments here I know now that american men seem to be even more retarded than muslim men. You are a bunch of sad losers.
Submitted by Jeannie (not verified) on 14 Feb 2010 - 17:40 Permalink

And muslim men blow themselves up.. Don't you dare call American men losers.. American men have been fighting for the freedom of more countries then anyone else.. Your comment was uncalled for and completely out of place... now go blow yourself up ...
Submitted by George Herter (not verified) on 30 Jan 2018 - 23:09 Permalink

Sorry there Anon, but being more retarded than Muslim men is simply no a physical possible. Because on the retarded scale there are no negative numbers that would allow American men to go any lower. Except maybe for you.

Submitted by Jeannie (not verified) on 14 Feb 2010 - 17:36 Permalink

I have a friend that I purchased this book for.. a hefty $230 fee... He reads it over and over.. he admires Herter and all his adventures and accomplishments .. Herter has a product line of many things.. knives.. guns.. to name a couple.. he was happily married .. I say this because he was successful... Some women are very good at understanding this type of man.. and if he's a good provider.. she will let him think he is boss... He has to be boss or he will die.. Not to say that Herter doesn't get credit for his accomplishments.. I will give him that.. he was very old fashioned.. and refused to come to terms that the world will progress and not need his wonderful old hunting knife.. I think the author of this article was a bit too critical of Herter.. after all .. he was a successful writer.. he has several books to his credit.. he has a large product line.. most of his stuff.. including his catalogs are now collectors' items.. He was married to the same woman ... he raised successful children.. Most men that I have known.. are very much like Herter.. but most are afraid to admit it.. knowing they will end up in the dog house.. I'm sure Herter built many dog houses as there wasn't much he couldn't do.. but.. I doubt that he was ever in one...
Submitted by Alfred Armstrong on 14 Feb 2010 - 21:44 Permalink

I think the author of this article was a bit too critical of Herter

Jeannie, whatever you or anyone else thinks of Herter, this book is a collection of unremarkable ramblings of little interest apart from its provocative title. He comes across as something of a character, but being a character doesn't make you an author, sadly. It's not the worst book I've ever read, but if you look around the site you'll see that's a long way from being a compliment.

Submitted by Tony D (not verified) on 29 May 2013 - 20:23 Permalink

No, writing books and selling them makes one an author. Herter did that. He sold many books and built an empire. Just because you don't agree with him doesn't make his books devoid of value. The NYT homage to him is proof of that. The guy started his business in the 30s. He smoked around his kids, threw trash out the car window, tossed his kids in the bed of a pick up, and drank from a garden hose. Guess what? EVERYBODY did back then, and most survived. Herter was often wrong but never in doubt. In a sanitized, PC world, his ludicrous rantings are to be savored. I notice that those who preach celebrating diversity only do so when it doesn't collide with their own beliefs. In your own way you are just as narrow-minded as Herter, and just as dogmatic (e.g. "whatever you think this book is a collection of unremarkable ramblings" sounds a lot like "the only way to prepare endive is by boiling it in butter").

Submitted by Alfred Armstrong on 30 May 2013 - 11:54 Permalink

What "sanitized, PC world"? Have you been on that internet thing? And do you really think Herter's ramblings are other than unremarkable? This is nothing to do with his beliefs: if you look around this site you'll find plenty of examples of right-wing writing that are quite extraordinary, and I say so. Try The Leftist ESP Conspiracy, for example, or The World's Greatest Conspiracy Volume 1.

Submitted by George Herter (not verified) on 30 Jan 2018 - 23:18 Permalink

The Great and Powerful Alfred has spoken!!! And no matter what "you or anyone else thinks" you are WRONG! WRONG he says!!! So there!!!! The Great and Powerful Alfred has determined the "this book is a collection of unremarkable ramblings of little interest apart from its provocative (great $5 word there Alfred) title." So let it be written! So let it be done! The all mighty has spoken. No more can be said.

Or can it??? Well OF COURSE it can! Oh happy day!

Alfred, where are your books? Provocative titles not withstanding? Where are your remarkable ramblings? Nowhere. That's where. How abut you take another try at it me boy and see if you can actually say something this time? Eh?

Submitted by fear of flying (not verified) on 17 Jun 2010 - 18:15 Permalink

All facts show that many women have built-in traits to nag, bitch, insult, try to be cruel and try to be demanding. Such traits, of course, cause much divorce. Again a woman is not exactly like a Canadian goose, she does not intend, in the vast majority of cases, to mate for life.
Submitted by Transparency (not verified) on 01 Jul 2010 - 16:01 Permalink

why do atheists have to go around making a fuss all the time it spoils things for us theocrats, although I wish my wife had been aborted amIright fellas? Why cant women be more like men though easy going and muscular and rugged and forceful and hang-out in public toilets.
Submitted by George Herter (not verified) on 30 Jan 2018 - 23:20 Permalink

What drugs are you taking? We really want to know? How can anyone get so F'd up without some MAJOR chemical assistance? Make that MAJOR, MAJOR Undiscovered universe chemical assistance.

Submitted by Katya (not verified) on 20 Sep 2010 - 18:15 Permalink

I find it interesting how many men are complaining about their wives, saying they are "bitches" and so forth. Maybe it is because I've always been "one of the guys," but I just can't relate to the women being described by these guys - what's wrong with a guy having his own interests, hobbies and (especially) some time to himself? A guy needs some time to go and be a guy! My husband has to take up more than his fair share around here due to my disability, so I try to be very understanding about the time he spends out and about. The only time I get upset is when he is really REALLY late getting home without warning me, as then I get worried, since we don't have cell phones for him to call me and tell me he's OK. On the other hand, it is also important that he be sure to let his wife/life partner know that she is important to him - guys, remember this. A little bit of unexpected affection/attention will go a LONG WAY! If she isn't expecting a gift and you show up with a pretty necklace, or a cute t-shirt or something, that will give you a lot of lee-way for some time to come - do the unexpected, show her you care. It will be to your advantage. :-) As far as this book itself? I'd have to read it to give you my thoughts - if it is as expensive as Jeanne says, I doubt I will get that chance any time soon.
Submitted by Wow (not verified) on 01 Oct 2010 - 22:53 Permalink

the book was published in 1971. society has dumbed down alot even by the standard of todays comments on the subject. i suspect this should now be the 'intro' to 'how to live with a bitch' in the united states today. among other names. if there is any descent women out there i haven't heard about them. just face value, every once in awhile, which is essencially worthless. the want to be men. and not even respectable ones. like, loser men. but they are still women is the only problem. the government has destroyed the family, made permiscuity cool, and destroyed the gender traits of men and women, to say the least at every generations expense for the sake of preserving their own interests. they turned everyone against each other, just like lab rats. Predictable. Oh, your all happy though.. Right. The more you comment the better you feel. Just keep doing what good rats do. Destroy everything. Your all alone in the world. Its all about immidiate gratification, and nothing else matters.. muhhahaha
Submitted by Alfred Armstrong on 01 Oct 2010 - 23:15 Permalink

The government made "permiscuity" cool? What government was that, exactly?

It's funny how nowadays everything that people dislike is somehow the responsibility of the government. Governments do a lot of terrible things but they aren't behind every social ill. Sometimes, I long for the good old days, when it was the Jews or the Communists or the Jewish Communists that did all the bad stuff.

Bring back the more old-fashioned stupidity. I just can't get used to this new way of being an idiot, it just seems wrong.

Submitted by George Herter (not verified) on 30 Jan 2018 - 22:28 Permalink

The one that know how to spell promiscuity and knows what it means. That one. The one you apparently never heard of. No need to bring back the more old-fashioned stupidity as you suggest, You seem to be doing fine with the current version.

Submitted by George Herter (not verified) on 30 Jan 2018 - 23:25 Permalink

What government? What government? The one that takes 40 to 50% of you income and then tells you that your are to stupid to know ho to spend it anyway. That one.

Unless of course you ALREADY ARE SUCH A STUPID MORON that you don't already know what government and then they just pat you on the head and say "Nice subject person". That one.

Submitted by George Herter (not verified) on 30 Jan 2018 - 22:12 Permalink

Maybe if you had learned even the merest semblance of grammar, spelling (there is spell check here you know) and punctuation, someone might think you are not just a complete idiot. Just an idiot who knows grammar, spelling and punctuation. But alas, they don't and you don't.

Submitted by RichieRich (not verified) on 05 Nov 2010 - 03:55 Permalink

My wife rarely stops bitching, nagging, and complaining. It consumes every waking hour of her life. She starts first thing in the morning and continues until i can get out of the house - then she calls me all day long at work to bitch and complain and tell me what I'd better do. Then when i get home, within 2 minutes I am again under attack. I spend several hours every day with my ears plugged and often end up sleeping in my car. We have been married over four years and only had sex four times during that period. I would have never believed marriage could be so hellish.
Submitted by George Herter (not verified) on 30 Jan 2018 - 22:16 Permalink

Sex four time in four years. You have indeed described a small corner of hell. And I am assuming those four times were not just with yourself, which would be another. You could of course, tell her to shut the hell up, take of her clothes and get down to business. You'd be amazed how much of what you describe you can put up with if you are getting laid of a regular basis. Goes for her too. Hell hath no fury like a woman un-fucked. Or so they say.

Submitted by Hess Hugh (not verified) on 21 Dec 2010 - 19:55 Permalink

I have a post to contribute to your discussion here, Alfred. How do I submit it so it's not rejected by your "Spam Filter"? Thanks, S. Ulrich
Submitted by Alfred Armstrong on 21 Dec 2010 - 20:31 Permalink

Filtering is done by an external service, Mollom. I am not in a position to guess what it doesn't like about your comment. Certain words and links are more likely to trigger these filters than others.

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on 20 Sep 2011 - 06:45 Permalink

What the heck does he mean by the birth selectors? I'm guessing it's a derogatory name for people who believed in family planning or controlling population growth (Paul Ehrlich's The Population Bomb was popular around the time this diatribe was published), but it sounds more like a device from Brave New World.
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on 28 Jan 2012 - 18:25 Permalink

I recently found this book among my deceased father's belongings. I cannot describe how astonishingly ignorant this book is - made me sick to my stomach - needless to say, ours was a dysfunctional family full of anger, bitterness and shame .. I have no idea if my father ever took this crap seriously, though he did share many of these opinions. An ironic title should be "How to ruin a marriage, F*** up your kids, and make the world a fearful and bitter place to live in." This review is spot-on - I can't believe anyone would take this book seriously; either be amused, or profoundly horrified realizing some poor souls do. Sex education, migration, psychiatry, drugs and politics are other topics this bombastic arse expounds upon. I admit, I personally found this book disturbing.
Submitted by George Herter (not verified) on 30 Jan 2018 - 22:37 Permalink

Not as disturbing as I find you! Stop blubbering about your dysfunctional family (oh how modern you are) and what a jerk your old man was. Pull your head out of your ass, take a look around and live you life. Seems to me the worst thing your old man apparently ever did was not get a vasectomy before you we born. Or maybe he did and the mail man got in there when he was away at work or something.

In the mean time we "poor souls" are going to have some fun while you whine about all the bad things everyone else did to you that was SOOOOOO terrible.

Submitted by Michael Fry Po… (not verified) on 21 Dec 2017 - 13:28 Permalink

I inherited a copy of this from my father, it was a sexual education that i'll never forget. He passed away when i was a lad and much to young for the talk so basically this is how i learnt about sex from a 1971 book. By the way i'm a 26 year old male and this book changed my life for the better, later

Submitted by Brent D (not verified) on 19 Jan 2018 - 03:06 Permalink

Oh my God, this review and chain of comments are so good. So good! From the spaceship quote, to the allegory ending, and the insert of the thoughts on marriage-counseling... gold. Choice humor. I was laughing out loud, but then the commentary...

Our man screaming, the wonderful man with his fishing metaphor, the lady defending men being men, ‘only do occasional nice things’, the man attacking the writer of the review! Oh, this is so good, by god, this is some fine plucking and clacking at the ol’ QWERTY! Ha, by god, ha, mighty fine. MIGHTY FINE! Keep at it America!

Submitted by mongo (not verified) on 16 Sep 2019 - 19:32 Permalink

his new book "how not to be worthless cuck who bows down because she has a vigina" excellent read 5 stars