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Is this book terrible or terrific? Read my review and decide for yourself

How to Defend Yourself Against Alien Abduction

Author(s):
Ann Druffel
Publisher:
Piatkus
Edition / Year:
1998
File under:
In the section labelled:

Cover of book with stereotypical big-eyed alien (yawn)

Undeniably many people believe they have been abducted by aliens, and why they should do so is a subject worthy of some serious study. It is interesting to contrast Susan A. Clancy's excellent recently published Abducted : How People Come to Believe They Were Kidnapped by Aliens with Anne Druffel's credulous drivel.

Clancy's is a thoughtful and careful study of the phenomenon, which sheds some light on how otherwise quite sane and balanced individuals come to share this particular modern delusion. I would not want to oversimplify her conclusions but I think she would concur with the view that the most common cause underlying these experiences is sleep paralysis. This is a state in which the sleeper becomes partially awakened, unable to move while at the same time subject to terrifying hallucinations. In the past witches, ghosts or incubi were often blamed: now it is aliens.

Clancy takes a sympathetic, yet sceptical, view of her subjects' recollections and is able to demonstrate convincingly how media reporting and television science-fiction shows have contributed to the mythology of abduction stories. By contrast, Anne Druffel starts from the assumption that alien abductions are real and the only area of uncertainty she admits is in whether the aliens actually come from Outer Space, or, alternatively, they enter their victims's bedrooms through interdimensional portals. Likewise, she places an equal value on all of her interviewees' countermeasures against abduction, no matter how banally superstitious they may appear; she presents us with an catalogue of defences against imaginary beasties in which no attempt at quality control has been made, her one noticeable intellectual engagement with the material being to have ordered it under a series of loosely-defined headings - of which the first is:

#1. Mental Struggle

In the early stages of abduction the victim feels helpless and paralysed.

“Mental Struggle involves sustained willpower while attempting to move some small part of the body such as a finger or toe”.

The abducting aliens are often deterred by this, as one would expect.

“A sense of outrage against the entities' violation of the witness's human rights must be maintained as well”.

Obviously the sort of alien who is put off so easily is at the more wimpish end of the scale; unfortunately some require more drastic measures, so we turn to:

#2. Physical Struggle

Before they can paralyse you, set about them with your fists or a heavy implement. Firearms can be handy too, though they

“are not recommended in urban or suburban areas where small children and/or innocent bystanders may be jeopardized”.

Wise words, indeed. Bear in mind, though, that

“the intent should never be to kill or seriously injure the intruders, but to inform them that their presence is violating the witness's right to privacy”.

Take the case of Billy Wolfe, whose abduction in 1974 left him with “a small, hard object” in his groin and an inability to socialise with women. Understandably, he blamed the UFOs which visited him regularly thereafter for his lack of success in finding a wife. In August 1988 things came to a head:

“... Billy's mother awoke, hearing a scratching noise on the side of the house. Mrs. Wolfe called for help, and Billy instantly came running with his gun and flashlight. ... one of the entities was standing before [the hall window], outside the house. Billy shot at the window, and the creature disappeared from view. Since there was no dead alien body left behind, the creature either dematerialized or the bullet passed through it in a paraphysical manner - or it was fast enough to get out of the way of a speeding bullet. Unexplained mysteries like this make up the UFO phenomenon. If each tiny mystery could be solved, scientists could possibly find the broad answers ufologists have been seeking for fifty years.”

Not only does she entirely believe Billy when he says he saw an alien, she takes his shooting abilities on trust as well. The illusionist Derren Brown once did a show in which he met Anne Druffel and managed to convince her that he had psychic abilities; on the strength of this book I reckon any of us could do the same. Her critical faculties seem woefully under-developed.

For those less disposed to outright violence, there is:

#3. Righteous Anger

Again before paralysis sets in, it is useful to get very annoyed about the violation of one's rights. Shouting “Leave me alone” or “Go away” may also help. If such expressions are too mild for your temperament don't worry as you can let fly when you employ:

#4. Protective Rage

This is displeasure expressed on behalf of other more helpless members of your household, such as children, cats, husbands, guinea pigs and so forth. Some well-chosen cursing may be in order, which Ms. Druffel terms “strong, rejecting language”, as long as it is combined with “a wish that the intruders not be harmed”. Perhaps “Kindly fuck off gentle visitor, you are alarming my gerbils”?

Don't worry if you cannot face the peril alone, you snivelling weed, but get:

#5. Support From Family Members

Assuming you can find a family member or friend who believes your story, you can ask them for help. In one touching case the husband of one unfortunate lady installed ceiling fans in every room “of his own volition” because she felt they helped keep the intruders at bay.

Even more powerful than a ceiling fan is one of the most subtle forms of defence:

#6. Intuition

Sometimes, when you feel that intruders are approaching, the mere act of mental preparation for their coming repels them. Ms. Druffel does not mention that this technique works just as well for attacks by other unwanted types of intruder: for example, one recent night I intuited that a gigantic centipede was trying to get into my house through the letterbox, but when I went to look it wasn't there.

Even this powerful technique won't always work, but don't despair, you can always employ:

#7. Metaphysical Methods

“Envision protecting, bright white light coming from a source above you, flowing through the top of the head, spreading downward through the entire body, and extending out a few inches around you”.

Or, as one might put it: 'get lit up'.

Other metaphysical methods include “internal sound”, which I can vouch for as effectively repulsive, and “out of the body experience”.

Tried those and still bothered by troublesome abductors? Why not:

#8. Appeal to Spiritual Personages

When several four-foot high grey entities enter your bedroom with the aim of taking you away and implanting metal objects in your anus - pray. (You'd never have thought of that yourself, would you?)

In case of last resort, turn to:

#9. Repellents

A category which includes such potent stuffs as

“Herbs, flower oils and essential oils ... yarrow, St. John's Wort and pennyroyal ... salt ... iron bars, crucifixes, and crosses of iron ... metal fans and bar magnets ...”

These aliens are a feeble lot aren't they? “Oh no! Essential oils! Urgh! Let's get out of here! Ooh! Aggh! Salt! Oh crikey, bar magnets! Lor, lumme, geroff!”.

Conclusion

There you have it. If you believe Ms Druffel, you are now fully equipped to fend off any extra-terrestrial or inter-dimensional beings who are after your body for horrible unstated purposes. (One defence she does not mention is to keep a container full of the sort of emissions they seek beside one's bed, as a sort of offering: apparently that is invariably effective in keeping them away.)

Some might feel that - rather than maintaining the delusion - it would be better to deal with the underlying causes, though when she enquired Susan Clancy found that many of her subjects were actually attached to their abduction experiences and thought them valuable, albeit terrifying. If aliens have travelled millions of miles just to ram a silvery metal rod up your bottom, that presumably makes you more interesting than someone who merely has a sleep disorder. Personally, I'd prefer any aliens I encounter to be hallucinatory rather than real, but I'm strange like that.

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Comments

Submitted by Cyber (not verified) on 16 Mar 2018 - 01:01 Permalink

An arguably even weirder fact about many people who believe they have been abducted by aliens is that they often believe the Earth to be a giant ball upon which they and all other creatures that inhabit Earth are spinning.

They even go so far as to call Earth a planet. Even though any sane person knows Earth to be plane since this the fact that Earth is a plane follows form many basic observations.

In their deluded mind they hold the ludicrous idea that Earth and all the planets are giant balls shooting and spinning through space and they mistake that idea for fact. And they base it all on the word and video trickery of authorities.

I jest you not!

Submitted by Alfred Armstrong on 16 Mar 2018 - 10:37 Permalink

No, they base it on thousands of years of observations by people of all ranks, countries and creeds. You think Eratosthenes, the ancient Greek scholar, for instance,was fooled by some videos he saw online? There are experiments you can do for yourself, and here would not be a bad place to start: https://physics.stackexchange.com/questions/26427/what-is-the-simplest-way-to-prove-the-earth-is-round

Get out and about, try some experiments for yourself. Can you explain eclipses, satellite navigation, the length of shadows at different points on the earth, the phases of the moon, ships disappearing over the horizon, to name just a few phenomena that have consistent and simple explanations in conventional geodesy? 

And can you name one phenomenon that can only be explained if the earth is flat? I bet you can't. Come back with some proper arguments instead of namecalling, handwaving and rhetorical posturing.

Submitted by Charlene castro (not verified) on 14 Jan 2018 - 01:34 Permalink

I completely agree with your theory! Your ending is the most accurate response I have encountered.

Submitted by Jonathan Turner (not verified) on 31 Oct 2017 - 21:22 Permalink

Well,the best way is to scare them telepathically,and yes it can be done.When I sense them I get up to confront them,and have the image in my mind of the creature from the Ridley Scott film Alien coming for them.This scares the shit out of them,along with a natural Human aggressive attitude.And yes sharp edged weapons do work too.Evenually they will leave you alone,it just takes time and done fear them,as they are counting on that.

Submitted by sharon (not verified) on 08 Jun 2014 - 13:01 Permalink

i have no memory of alien abduction, but something tried to take me over and make me do things to harm other people. it was the middle of the day, i was sitting outside ,playing a guitar and a voice told me ; i am going to inhabit your body and stab people, they would have been dead and my life ruined, but another entity told me that to prevent this from happening i must immediately tell another adult what was happening. once i did this the attack was averted. i was at all times aware that no one else could hear this voice and that i would be considered a nut job, but the risk was extreme and real so i did tell. i am sure there are many things that can and do interact with us, sometimes people believe it is there own will, they dont even realize what is happening, doctors believe it is a disease process, mental illness. while this does exist it is not always what is going on . i have found that critical thinking, education, knowing your own mind and where you stand are good defences. but i have often wondered about other more practical defences. i believe my attackers greatest weapon was my faith, youth and innocence, these things made me vulnerable, the entity made the mistake of trying to make me do something completely abhorent to me , it was going to use me to kill my own and other children, because of this extreme intention , i was able to recognise and with assistance fight back, i sometimes read the news and realize others have not been so lucky. there are some seriously evil creatures out there. i dont know if they are aliens or what ; but there is definately some serious shit going on , that has very real and very damaging consequences in the lives of many people.

Submitted by Frank O'Neill (not verified) on 03 Apr 2014 - 00:42 Permalink

I am a holy man, and this is a holy war. The name is Frank, from the newly conceived Human Defense Initiative, and Frankly, fellow humans, I want to teach you to *FIGHT* with the intent to *ANNIHILATE*, *OBLITERATE*, and *CAPSIZE* the entire, ill-begot missions of evil, archonic, alien design. These three objectives are truly attainable, as the historic record shows with the example of the alien abduction of a child which ran afoul for the captors when a witness grabbed a can of hairspray and a cigarette lighter and chased baloon-heads onto their ship. Face fry some almond eyes, fuck yeah, fuck shit up at the control desk so they gotta call in for a tow truck, and let's get this barbecue started, fuckers! I'm human, damned proud, and fuck no, I ain't ever agreeing to or accepting dominion, subjugation, oppression, submission, torture, or defeat!!!

HEAR MY BATTLE CRY, FELLOW HUMANS! It starts with effective counters for their mind control -- it's the only assurance they have of their own safety from the jeopardy to which your own actions might subject them.

1. Make a brain shield. It remains truth: it is only a pitiful fool who enjoins the well-architected, media ridicule of the tinfoil hat and those who might use such. Ask yourself: are you being cajoled and corralled like cattle into discounting what might prove ultimately appropriate and effective? Alternate multiple layers of tin foil with an electrically insulating material, such as saran wrap or wax paper. Shape such to cover the whole of your skull. Place this inside of your favorite baseball cap, hoodie, or hat. I personally challenge you: to try out such a brain shield, and make a note of any effect upon the mental state. My experiments have involved 5 other people. All report a noticably quieter mental environment within themselves within 15 minutes of wearing a brain shield.

WAKE UP, FELLOW HUMANS, AND DON YOUR THINKING-PROTECTIVE HATS. STAND UP, WAKE UP, AND *DECIMATE*, *VANQUISH*, *ANNIHILATE*, *OBLITERATE*, *EXCORIATE*, *ROYALLY FUCK UP* AND *SQUASH* WHAT HAS ALWAYS REMAINED ONE OF THE WORST ENEMIES OF OUR SPECIES, HISTORICALLY.

F.
Frank of the Human Defense Initiative
Music video instructional forthcoming...

Submitted by J-theo (not verified) on 22 Oct 2013 - 03:08 Permalink

They have been bothering me lately. I have discoved that they don't like light on at night they also do not like frankenscens or dragons blood They turn away when you call on spirits of the light. I have stop them by by placing the watchtowers up on the corner or your bed or corners of you house

Submitted by The Meaning of Life (not verified) on 19 Mar 2013 - 05:17 Permalink

I would first like to add that giving comments, or even thinking about such things in any case makes you a target for dark forces, and I make an exception here because my intuition (intuition is never wrong) deems this site not as "watched" as much as others (at least in the near future). The sheer size of the evil that plauges this world extends far beyond these paracites (grey aliens) and it is all happening because people chose it to be so. Service to self (self worship) results in the horrible world (in God's eyes) today, and the vast majority of people don't and can't fathom it's depth. (How could one be so ignorant?) Just look around, I mean, it is the blind leading the blind everywhere! The only way to prevent your brother from being controled and deprived of freedom (greatest of divine rights) is truth, that double-edged sword that came out of Jesus's mouth. Breaking the commandments only results in hell and suffering, and there is a very Good reason why YOUR CREATOR forbids you from doing such things and destroying heaven, and hence why you were sent here on Earth for a second chance before your execution. Humanity would not have such problems as alien abductions or constat wars if they did what their creator told them to do, the same goes for the grey aliens (they obviously chose a darker path). Use that head you where given (just try to create a universe as beautiful as this one) and be what God intended you to be... Be youself. You are light, you are love.
May the truth be your weapon against, and Faith in God be your Armor against, The darkness...

The double edged blade of truth...
Made of Light
Designed with Wisdom
Forged with Willpower
Tempered with Disipline
Sharpened with Experience
Wielded with Courage
Powered by THE FORCE

THE FORCE is the most powerful thing in the universe... It is Love. The heart of Go(o)d.
The Truth will set you free.
The definition of LOVE is "I AM YOU"
I love you, and you should heed my word, but much, much more importantly you should heed the word of your Creator, especially if you like to exist.
Fear of God is the start of Wisdom

May the Force by with you, you are going to need it, we all are.